Autum's Leaves
2005-07-08 19:33:20 (UTC)

Stepping Stones

It’s hard to know your boundaries when it comes to
relationships of any kind. When we were young, we all
tested our parents boundaries. We all had to take that one
last step when we were told not to, just to see if our
parents would punish us.
In a dating relationship, it’s always hard to know
what to say, and what not to say. Sometimes you have to
know the perfect thing to say or else you shouldn’t say
anything at all, as it will just muddle things worse.
The story I wrote the other day, the short story,
it was based on real events, as I’m sure was evident. Of
course, names have been changed, but the guy, my guy, is
one of those two guys. Basically the one I’m sleeping with
now, aka not the asshole. But, he e-mailed me on here…and
I wrote an e-mail back. One that was…well, assuring him
how much I really liked him, and how much happier he makes
me and how I’d much rather be with him, which is all the
truth. I haven't sent it to him yet though, still deciding
about that one. Yesterday, when the Boarder called me up
and I went through my moral dilemma, basically, I figured,
sleeping with the Boarder isn’t worth losing someone I
really care about. One night isn’t worth a month of
happiness. A good lay, that I could be having with the
Guy, isn’t worth it because I could be having it with the
Guy. *shrugs* So, as it were, I made my decision to be
monogamous, for the first time in a long time, and yes it
scares me, like I’ve already said in previous entry’s.
Being taken scares me, being in a relationship scares me,
but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be in one. *shrugs*
There’s a great guy, who, when last I checked, really
liked me and I really like him. As he puts it, there’s mad
feeling between us…and I wouldn’t give that up for
Maybe this is overstepping my boundaries, maybe I
just think I have boundaries, I don’t know. I don’t know
anything, and I’m doing this by the seat of my pants
(although I hate that expression.) And maybe this is just
me testing, seeing where my boundaries are, knowing
exactly where we both stand in this whole ordeal…
…It’s scary not to know what someone’s thinking.