Completely Incomplete

Letting Go Is All I've Held Onto
2005-07-01 00:02:48 (UTC)

Kade .... Tranfusion ... -sigh- need I say more?

Well, I said he had been cutting for quite a while last
night.
He mentioned something about a transfusion ... and then
started cutting.
Tears rolled down my face ... I couldnt control myself.
How could he say he needed a blood tranfusion and then dig
the knife into himself?
*Sigh* ...
I ... need him.
I dont care anymore. I dont care if he doesnt realise
it ... but I do. I need him more then ... Fuck it words
shouldnt have to describe.
If he dies ... Ill die. Maybe not physically ... but
emotionally. Ill be ... dead. A walking shell.
Meaningless .. yet symplicate.
He still has his obbsession with death ...
But Im still addicted. Still an addict.
Im addicted to his flesh and blood. His tender emotion.
His loving words that grasp my soul, in only ways lucifer
himself could control. His bat-like format ... with
heaven's breath of life .. saving me ... over and over.
Saving me with every breath he takes. Saving me over and
over and over again.
I need him ...


My phone line is down aparently ... I can call out ...
tested it on Nik's cell. But I cant get through to the
sympatico company .. or connect to the internet which my
heart is so feebly tied to.
So here I am ... on mom's computer.
No one is getting on here ... no one. I wont let them.
This is more important then any video game ... any
mindless conversation ...
Im worried sick. In the litteral sense. I feel weak and
dizy ...
How could he cut after mentioning a transfusion. How????
This is far more important then anything else ...

Ha ... so much for my day of sulking and moping.
I have gotten .. roughly three hours of sleep .. in the
past 24 hours???? Im not in a mood to be played with.
Im ready to bite someone's fuckign head off ... if only I
was strong enough to stand without the trace of a stagger.


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