Withered Rose

...Ashes, ashes, they all fall DOWN...
2005-06-29 08:15:21 (UTC)

Left to My Own Mind

Left to my own mind
Not a good idea
Even positive thoughts
Turn to tears
At this point
So.. for (almost) delightful avoidance, distraction -
I filled my ears with music, sweet music
Tried my best to do no thinking of my own
But instead I sing along to each song in my mind
A few times I drifted.. but quickly, my focus
went to the music

Left to my own mind
Please, no, I'll be mortified
I began to pray,
"Please, please, please, God let it inflame
just for this day
So possibly, we can get results and then start
my little miracle�"

"Just let it be okay.
Not a waste of time or useless flesh,
Looking for whatever illness this is.
So when I'm actually there.
Sitting next to the doctor in that
backless chair. And he slices and sews -
that we can get some decent results...
Please. God. I'm trusting and I know I gotta keep hope."

I try to ensure myself that it'll be all right,
and I begin to cry..
Though they were positive, hopeful, wishing thoughts
My stomach would most certainly be in knots
If it were not for the beautiful sounds and
echoing words in my head..
'It's okay. It's okay. It's okay" followed by the song,
which works better than that pointless thing I was told in
therapy..
'You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful�'
[[repeat]]

Much appreciation to three special people:
Parachutes, I thank you.

(©)
.....withered..rose........


*whispers* shhhhh.... They're sleeping. It's 4:15 AM.




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