Judge Tenderly of Me
I don't Write No Mo..But todays different
Sadly I stopped finding the point, I seem to be at the
same point every time. And to keep doing the same shit
over and over hoping for somethin different, is insanity,
literally. I feel stagnant. as if instead of moving
forward,and free flowing, I'm still and thick, like murky
I still work at PUma which, I haven't quite outgrown yet,
but with time will be less and less proud to say that I
work there. Some days suck, and I have to dig deep to
muster the tolerance. Some days I'm on fire and love what
I do. Luckily, I am treated better than most of my co-
workers but sadly am paid the minimum. That's the story of
every human being that's ever tried to climb their way up
and hopefully out of mediocrity. I've got a few other
things in the works, however. I recently got a part as an
extra in a movie. And as I write this I had just recieved
a phone call from Linda Jack Talent, inviting me for an
interview for an internship with their company. SO i
suppose all is not lost.
On a differant note, my pimping skills were at an all time
high last week. between steve, mark, TJ, i'd say that I
was on a bit of a roll. the only thing is, I am not the
least bit attracted to any of them. Apart of me feels
awful for playing with their emotions but most of me
doesn't care.After the harsh way that I dealt with TJ last
night, It wouldn't suprise me at all if karma decided to
kick my ass later. after days of dodgin his phone calls,
out conversation goes a little something like this...
HIM: what's up bogus?"
ME: hey (voice loses all it's enthusiasm)
he asks about what I've been up to, why we haven't
spoken, all that. I give lame answers about workin a lot
and being too tired to call. But as I'm sayin it, I decide
not to play around because, I'm tired of having to come up
with stuff, or just plain ignore his phone calls. Tired of
erasing his messages from my voice mail.
So I decide to lower the axe,
ME: YOU KNOW, YOU'RE A NICE GUY AND EVERYTHING, BUT I
DON'T THINK YOU'RE MY TYPE.
HIM: WHAT YOU MEAN? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SOONER? WAS IT
SOMETHIN I SAID?
ME: NO, THINGS JUST DIDN'T CLICK FOR ME, THAT'S ALL, I
MEAN, WE CAN BE FRIENDS.
HIM: I THINK IT'S WHEN I MENTIONED HAVIN A GIRL, FRIEND,
THAT I SEE EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.
in all actuality, i did remember him mentioning that, but
that had nothin to do with it. i remember thinkin about my
ex and how we got down sometimes. There's nothing wrong
with that, sometimes you need a little something, somethin.
ME: I MUMBLE SOMETHING ABOUT HOW HE SHOULDN'T FEEL BAD,
AND HOW I'M NO GOOD ANYWAY.
HIM: BUT I WAS REALLY DIGGIN YOU...I CAN'T EVEN GET A
CHANCE WITH YOU?
he's mumblin all kinds of shit but I can't understand, and
my attention is diverted to the honeymooners bootleg my
mom got me, with Ced the entertainer, and gabrielle union.
ME:LISTEN I'D LIKE TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING, BUT I'M KINDA
BUSY RIGHT NOW
HIM: YOU BUSY RIGHT NOW?
more mumbling, then finally,
HIM: ALRIGHT THEN....
ME: ONE LOVE!
then i hang up the phone and proceed to watch my dvd.
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