Cowgirl_Mom

Here we are again…Some time has..

Here we are again…Some time has passed, and I haven’t
written in here. Today is just one of those days, and I
needed to vent and/or just release a bit.

Don’t get me wrong, things have been great here, it’s just
been a bad night and morning. I’ve already cried my eyes
out, worried, been stressed, been online several times, and
even been on the phone quite a bit (I’ve talked to my
husband, my ex-husband, my Mom, my Dad, and even the boys’
dentist office) and it’s only 10 am!

My oldest went with his father for Father’s Day thru
yesterday morning, and I picked him up from his father’s
job early yesterday morning and took him straight to his
first day of summer camp. He didn’t have such a good day
there, but that’s got to be expected. He just bounced from
Dad to Mom to camp in less than an hour, and he’s off of
his AD/HD meds for the summer. In the meantime, my husband
tells me that he wants a doctor’s appointment for that very
afternoon for his back being out again. This is a major
first! So I’m on the phone, while I’m driving to the
dealership to take my car back in to be serviced for the
second time in two weeks for the engine light being on,
trying to locate a doctor and make an appointment for him.
Get to the dealership, get a rental car, transfer all of
our crap over (it’s Monday, I have to do our weekly
errands!), and then we are off and running again. I drive
back South (had to go North for the dealership, the south
dealership didn’t want to give me a rental car for factory
warranty work – told me to drop off the car in the morning,
and they wouldn’t even look at it until the afternoon).
Umm, sorry, I have a 17 month old and this is our only car
now??!! I don’t exactly just go to work and wait for your
call! Anyway, so I drive North to our tried and true
dealership, get my husband an appointment out South at 3:10
that afternoon, and get into the rental car to return to
our day. We go to the grocery store (it was too early to
go to Sam’s yet), then we go to Sam’s, then we go to Target
to exchange a pool I bought on Saturday that I didn’t
really like, but then in Sunday’s ad, there was the pool I
liked, $10 cheaper and only $4.50 difference from what I
paid for the pool I didn’t like. So, we go and exchange
the pools.

I get home and it’s noon (I’ve been on the road since 6:45
that morning), the car is unloaded onto the porch, and I am
sitting on the floor (the living room was still destroyed
from a sleepover Saturday night with a couple of extra
boys), nursing our little one, when my husband comes home.
He sees the situation, brings in all of the groceries and
such off of the porch into the house, and goes to take a
brief nap before we have to go to the doctor’s appointment
(another wrinkle in my day, I had planned on fixing dinner
before I had to go get our older boy from camp). But
whatever, we go to the doctor’s appointment, that’s $20,
then he not only gets his back checked and X-rayed, he gets
his heel checked and X-rayed, he has a heel spur. He also
schedules a physical for himself at 8:30 am Friday. We
leave and I am on the phone (again) scheduling an MRI for
his back. Turns out, they can get him in at 6:45 that very
night. We’re off to get his prescriptions filled. I call
my parents (they were coming over to install some anti-
virus software on our PC, since hubby dearest has been
griping about the speed of the PC – I think it’s just that
he doesn’t have the patience to deal with what I deal with
daily), and tell them what’s going on.

Then we’re off to pick up the oldest boy. I get a note
front and back from his teacher about the goings-on of what
all happened yesterday, even down to a threat to call me if
he doesn’t start listening. He eats his lunch on the way
home (since he didn’t eat it at lunch, one of his little
episodes), and we quickly throw together some hamburgers
and tater tots for dinner. My husband burns the hamburger
patties on the grill (it was white hot), eats quickly, and
leaves for his appointment. Before he leaves, we both
notice that the older boy is not well. He is on the
toilet, but afraid to throw up, and complaining of severe
stomach pain. Husband leaves.

Child opts not to eat dinner, and tries to get out of
taking a shower before bed. He goes to bed before 7 pm.
He complains of being wobbly-legged and cold before bed.
After he’s been asleep for a little while (and my parents
have since arrived), I check his temperature and it’s 101
and I can’t wake him up, all he does is shake and look at
me, but does not answer any of my questions. I’ve never
seen him this way, and I am getting scared and nervous. I
give him a single pill of extra strength Tylenol, not
wanting to overdose him by giving him two tablets, figuring
that will do the trick.

An hour later, his fever has not lowered, but rather gone
up. I call the doctor to get proper dosage information
(it’s after 9, I can’t take him to the after hours clinic),
but instead end up on hold for 20 minutes with no
response. I give up, call my dad for his suggestion, and
he tells me that it is getting too high now, he needs to be
either in a bath tub or if it gets 2/10 degree or more
higher, an emergency room. At this time his fever is 103.2
(when I called my dad, we thought it was only 103, or else
obviously we would have been off to the emergency room). I
follow his suggestions, cover him up, put a washcloth on
his head, and check his temperature in 30 minutes. I cover
him with his Thomas comforter, and go watch TV until it’s
time to check him again. I check him and his temperature
is finally dropping, we are down to 101. I can deal with
that, so I go to bed (finally).

Less than an hour later, the baby is screaming. I nurse
him until I am falling asleep while he’s nursing and put
him back to bed. One a.m. this morning, he is screaming
again, and I couldn’t remember if he had just been up a few
minutes earlier or a couple of hours earlier, so I refuse
to nurse him and he won’t have any part of the juice bottle
I offer him. When I lay him down in our bed, he screams
bloody murder. I scoop him up and take him to the living
room. We pace the floors a little while, and then I sit
down on the couch with him and get him back to sleep
eventually and return him to his bed.

I go back to bed, only to be awake again 4 hours later.
I’m barely up and my husband is telling me that the oldest
son is on the toilet again, and then he’s telling me that
he thinks that he fell asleep on the toilet, and I am just
trying to go pee myself and put the youngest dog out to go
pee. I go back to check Tyler, he’s got diarrhea, his
fever is down to 100, so we are getting better. We explain
to him that he is not going to camp today, he can probably
go again tomorrow. I get him back to bed, and am just
exhausted in general, the baby wakes up, I’m nursing him,
calling my parents about the download from last night
having an error message, and then explaining to my husband
why the download didn’t work, when he throws it at me that
this is something that he has been telling me to fix for
awhile now. Okay, not good timing to be harping on me. I
tell him as much and he tells me that that is obviously
what I wanted right now, was for him to make me feel bad
about what all has not been accomplished in the house
lately. Okay, excuse me, but I/we have not been home
hardly at all in the last couple of weeks since we have
returned from vacation. I refuse to respond to him, I’m
PMSing, exhausted with being up with the boys overnight,
stressed about money (when we went back to pick up his
meds, insurance rejected the claims, so instead of $20-40,
it turned out to be $65), and am already silently crying
while I nurse the baby.

He leaves without saying good-bye, as if I expected
anything different right now. I have had contact with my
ex this morning, and it turns out that his step-daughter
had this stomach bug just before they had Tyler, but he
didn’t think to mention anything to me about it, and
hopefully, like her version, this will only last 24 hours.
I refuse to call the dealership about my car, being as that
I can’t exactly load up a sick kid to just get my car back
and return their rental. They haven’t called me, so I
guess I’ll just get my car back tomorrow.

My mom has called, my dad found a new Windows program
(Windows XP home edition) for $73, no shipping, and they
are offering to purchase it for us. I tell her about my
hurt feelings over my husband this morning, and she tells
me that she isn’t going to get involved, and I ask her,
why, because you think he’s right? And she tells me no, I
just don’t think he does his part. She’s upset because he
picks on her and my dad about not having their house put
back together yet (he’s right – it’s been ummmm, 3
years?). But I’m not one to throw stones when I live in a
glass house.

This whole house-cleaning issue is a major hot button for
me. It’s one of the reasons that my ex divorced me.
Because I didn’t tend to the house (apartment) well
enough. I don’t want another divorce because of it. Why
do I end up with men that have the unrealistic expectation
to have everything spic and span every night/morning? Both
of my husbands were men who had mothers (or in my current’s
case, mother AND grandmother), who kept their houses in
complete cleanliness. I was not raised that way, and I
struggle to be that type of person, especially with now two
boys at home every day. They need entertainment, little
outings nearly every day, and yet somehow keep the house
maintained and picked up every day. Today should be the
perfect day to clean, but I am not focused nor am I driven
to do so.

I guess I better find the drive, because I have wasted
nearly half the day, and this may be the only full day I
have here at the house to get things done. So, later.