Littlemissie

life of a teenage drama filled life
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2005-06-21 06:01:56 (UTC)

First entry

So, usually when people start these things they take the
first entry to tell all about themselves and what bothers
them and everything. Well, I get bored talking about
myself. Really this is just an outlet. I have very few
people in my life that i can talk to and get truthful
answers, so this should help i hope.
I am only 17 years old and I am seriously confused.
There are so many things in my life that dont make sense to
me and I am just trying to make sense of it. So, Here we go.
1.) Aaron. I have liked this guy for a good two years and
he and I are only friends. I am the type of person who has
always been afraid of rejection. Well, Aaron and I work
together and we have fun. I mean, he is the only guy i have
ever been able to be myself around and that makes me feel
really good. Everyone we work with says that it is obvious
that we like each other but i dont see it. Aaron and i
have come from totally different classes. When he was in
school he was popular and so he still has his popular
friends who do nothing but judge people, which is pretty
hipocritical for me to say because that means that in turn
i am judging them. But, I am not in that clique. I am not
popular, and i am not not popular. i am not the perfect
person. I know that if he did like me, he would never say
so because his friends mean so much to him and i dont want
to be second best. I have no idea what i am suppose to
do. i mean, should i tell him and risk the rejection?
Would it be worth it to go up to tell him that i like him
and have him get scared? There is no way that i could
handle that.
2.) I cant seem to be happy. I mean, everyday i wake up
and i hate the person that i see in the mirror. Today was
the very first day i have looked and saw someone that i
actually liked. I hate the way i am. I feel like i am not
good enough to be in the world. I have friends that tell
me how great and funny and beautiful i am, but they are my
friends arent they suppose to say that? THere is so much
that i think i should deserve, but it never seems to meet
me. I am never good enough. I hate that feeling. I dont
know how to make it stop though. No matter how much i do to
try and be a better person it doesnt work.
What am i suppose to do, i need someone to give me the
answers.

Gabby


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