Angel

We`re having a baby!

About 24 hours afther Cessy told me she was pregnant, (a
few hours afther my last entry) it suddently hit me, we`re
having ababy! Babies are blessings, even though they mean
giving up on some things. Im gonna be an aunt. Cessy only
has one brother and he is serious brain damaged, hes a
nice boy and is verry capable to be trused to hold the
baby, play with it and so on, but not to babysit it on his
own. Her boyfriedn have one sister and one brother I
think, I dont belive they will last forever, but hope so.
I will be a supporting friend for Cessy in her pregnancy
and with motherhood, and a great aunt for the child. Lest
night I started looking for baby things in the internett,
but its a bit early to buy her a gift year, she think it
will be her late in January.
I wish her all the best, I really do. I was happy for her
all the time, it just tok me some time to get happy about
it myself.

Suddently everyone is getting so commited, some of the
girls at work are engaged, they are stil young but older
than me, about 24, and will get marrid next summer. They
do not have to get marrid, they are well educated, smart,
nice, verry good looking woman and stil they do. I
remember when one of them come and told me (we`re kind of
friends) I was so happy for her, but also so glad its not
me. We are all getting older and I guess this things are
comming more and more in the future. I was on a lecture on
Friday, it was a verry famous psycologist and scientist
from Standford who came to my university and held a guest
lecture. It was not manny from my class there, most of the
people worked at the university, I sow a lot og
proffersors there and students at the psycokogoist
program that I know. One of them I talked with later, she
had a lot of 30 year birthdays comming up this summer, and
thats how she realised how old she was and her friends.
Im getting older to, and mybe one of the reasons shy I
think the engaged, marrige and babyes are because my
relationship and I are not ready for it the way I see it.
Tommy is ready for engagement and babys, not marrige. Im
not sure if its gonna be the two of us forever, and thats
the reason why Im not ready. I`ve been wanting babyes
since I was six, but I wanted it with the right guy and us
to last forever, and I have not given up on that yet, the
question is if Tommy is the right guy, its so hard to tell.

Angel