DayDream Believer
2005-06-18 21:54:14 (UTC)

Mr and Mrs Smith

Tommy went on a nother boys trip, I dont mind, really its
good for him to have some time just with boys, anway for
me, and its great for me to have time alone.
The first thing I did was to downlowd the chat program he
dont want us to have, I meet an old friend om mine (and
Chris) He invited me to a move, he works there and got
free tickets, so it didnt seem like a date, just fun so I
said yes at 22 and there I was outside the cinnema at 23.
It was fun, seeing him agen, doing something, great fun,
nothing bad happend, its not like we kissed or anything. I
didnt tell Tommy I went, movie witha boy means muvh more
for him than for me, and I want him to have a nice trip.

Cessy told me yesterday that she was pregnant. I know it
sounds stupid but Im not happy about it, and I know I
should cause everyone is, including her.
First of all she told Kelly it frst, I cant belive it,
bouth om them always come to me first. Secondly they have
noot been tougether for that long a time, about a year. I
remeber me and Tommys first year, its a lot diffrent the
this year, things change afther about teh first year, you
are not longer new-inlove and the relationship is
changing, but ofthen to the better, dont missunderstand
me. But you can fake a personality for about a year, fake
nice and perfect, but eventually the thre person will come.
She allmost got marrid once, or twice but it was with the
same person.
She had al those hope and dream, living in Australia,
getting the education she wanted and tralvel a lot. And
now, she has moved to a nother contry, but its our
nighbour contry, not the other side of the earth. Im sure
she thinks she can do the education later, I guess
everyone who get pregnant young belive that, but the truth
is its hard having a child, and it coast monny, so only a
few go back to school.
He seems nice, so the baby will get a good father and she
is really happy so the baby will be lucky, its not that I
claim she will be a bad mother, and thats a good thing. I
just wanted somthing better for her as stupid as it sounds
when this is what she wants and shes happy, to live to
experience some of her dreams before we all had children.
I guess I`ll change opinion, Im crazy about babies. To bad
she wont be here so I can wisit all the time.

What its about all this forget about your dreams? Everyone
seems to do it. Kelly and me talked about it, but it was
about her, we didnt mention Cessy. Everyone judt give up
and get borring, Kelly is sad about is, but think it has
smothing do do about growing up or maturing. I dissagree,
I dont think giving up your dreams has anything to do with
maturing. It just mean you`re getting borring and loses
hope in your life.
I have been thinking about it a lot, espesially related to
Chris who seemd to have given, up, but not Im not so sure,
mybe hes dreams just changed.

Its so easy to pick down on others, but what about my

Well it uesed to be to move to New York alone and manage
for a while, have a dog, get education, a good job, earn
good monny, meet a man who makes even more, who I love
endlessly and who loves me even more back, baild a house
or buy a big appartment, decorating it my style and have
childre, girls at lest two, mybe three, stay at home for a
while and be a good mother, then work part time, follow up
there activities and school, be a good mom, but also a
good wife and girlfriend, and friend, give everything for
motherhood and wife duties, but stil have time of my own
once in a while. Go back to my career full time, when
husband dies (old, but woman ofthen live longer and stay
at better heath, if I die fist its okey) and children are
grown with family of there own, move to africa and work
with orphrings for a while. Then die, I dont wanna be 100
years old, it dont seem like a life with much qality. Id
rather have short and with quality. Its not like I wanna
die, Im a bit afraid of death, but is gonna come sonner or
If I die first, wich also is verry possible the I hope he
take good care of our children and dont remrry, so we`ll
always stay marrid, but if he`s stil young I will
understand if he gets a new girl friend, as long as he`ll
wait a while afther my death and shes good to our children.

But where am I?
About New York, the family problems have to take a lot
here, I have not been able to move from my familiy. The
dog, also because of whats been going on with my dad, I
did have a dong remember. And a tiny bit because Tommy is
allergic. I did try to get the education om my dreams, I
loved it, loved it, loved it, but did not get good enugh
results to be among the lucky ones who get to continue,
but at least I tryed. The man of my life, dunno.
Sometimes I belive Im waiting for something better,
sometimes I belive that there is no such thing as perfect
and should settle with Tommy, its a lot to say about this,
so I`ll wait.
Im not ready to have kids yet, but my plan is to have them
before Im 30, so there is no rush.

Wedensday me, Karoline and Gracie went to the movie to
celebrate Karoline did well on her exam and is finish with
high school. We sow mr and mrs Smith and it was a greta
movie, loved it. It was much better then the chinese one I
sow yesterday. Angeline Jolie was so cool and her clothes
was lovley, she had diffrent styles an everyone of them
worked, the sexy slutty one, the Stepford wife one, the
killer one, she was always looking verry well dressed. It
was verry imspiring, the music was also good, hopfully it
will come a cd with the music that I can buy.