I stab you with hot french fry!
2005-06-14 21:30:46 (UTC)

Too Much Time To Think

It's funny. People who are forced to believe something
will reject what they are forced to believe. They then try
to believe in something else that fits better with what
they want. Rebellion is something that happens so often in
this world...along with violence, lying, and other
bothersome things.
I wasn’t forced to believe the things I believe in which
is why I never wanted to doubt my faith. I believe in God,
I believe that He's there no matter what people say, or
do, or believe. He gave us free will because He doesn’t
want us to be forced to believe in Him or love Him. He
wanted us to choose for ourselves. People wonder "If He's
really there, why doesn't he do something to stop all this
chaos? all this death? this pain?" It isn't His fault that
there is death and pain. We as humans brought such things
upon ourselves when the world began. Death is natural and
pain is something we inflict on ourselves or someone else
inflicts upon us. We are all vulnerable to each other’s
actions and motives. We are all connected...we are all
affected by one another.
I've come to understand this, yet there is still more I
have to learn. I'm only an eighteen year old girl...a girl
who scarred her own soul through sins and foolish actions.
A girl who wanted to believe herself innocent when really
she's corrupted like everyone else in the world. I tried
to escape the corruption yet welcomed it at the same
time...because I'm indecisive, naive, and often contradict
myself. I'm not happy with myself, with what I've done.
The things I've done may be small things in society's
eyes, but they're big to me because I knew not to do them
in the first place. I guess everyone has their own way of
rating their wrongdoings.
I’m at a point in my life where I think I’m not doing
anything worthwhile. Though, I’m not the only one who is
thinking this way. I’ve encountered others going through
the same phase. But, this feeling exists because I truly
am not doing anything productive or worthwhile. I’ve only
been wasting the day distracting myself with playing video
games and watching tv/movies. I’ve let myself become
slave to laziness and selfishness.

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