Life - so complicated
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2005-06-13 19:57:45 (UTC)

Congratulations - this is a fuck up

So today my life went down the drain, my future, my
aims, all of me went with it. I can only be described as a
hollow tree :s empty apart from the odd bat flying into
its branches. And the wind has nearly blown me over,
nearly, but not quite.
And slowly all me is rotting and before long there will
be nothing but a bare stump left, just a slight bump in
the ground to prove that I actually was once here, alive
and breathing and a human being with feelings, though
selfish, I did have feelings.
Sometimes when I'm lying in bed I want to cover my face
with the pillow and see how long it would take for me to
die. Other times I've filled the sink with freezing water,
dunked my head in and seen how long I've lasted. Even
through all that I've been a wimp, pulling my head out of
the water, or removing the pillow when I feel I'm about to
take my last breath.
All my life I've ran away, and I'll keep doing it.
Hibernating when things start getting too hard, there will
be no easy way through this and I'm very tempted to do the
real cowardly action but what would I leave behind?
Family and only one real friend. There is no one but
myself to blame for this mess. 3 years ago it was my
choice and I made the completely and devastatingly wrong
Congratulations - this is a fuck up.

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