2005-06-11 03:39:36 (UTC)


4 days, no real fights. Guess this is the honeymoon period
lol. We cleaned up and things are working out ok so far.
She worries about the money. Right now, it's not as bad as
it seems but I'm working on solutions. Sometimes, it's
hard keeping a strong spirit and knowing things will work
out. Often I just want to break down and give up. It is a
heavy load and I know alot of this is my fault. Hindsight
is 20/20 and I know I should have done things different.
There are times I just want a word of support from Mary,
but she isn't that type of person I guess. I think it will
be just up to me to be stronger than ever, even if I have
to put up false fronts.

Right now she is listening to music and I'm here. I saw
the entry being done as I took cassie out so I have to
respond. She finds it easy to write things than say it
sometimes..she'd be surprised how much like my mother she
is in that.

there was a moment today I felt like breaking down and
crying. I didn't want to bring mary into a situation where
she would have to worry. I didn't want her worrying about
money..that's why I'm trying to get back with Fluor..then
she won't have to worry.

I worry she isn't happy.

I worry she rather be back with everyone in Georgia.

I just worry alot more than she knows.

All I know is if you sit and worry, you won't get
anywhere. you have to just say 'We have to work to fix it'.

Maybe we will get lucky and that project in SC will want

I worry she doesn't love me.

I just worry.

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