Completely Incomplete

Letting Go Is All I've Held Onto
2005-06-09 20:07:54 (UTC)

GAW DAMN MOTHA FUCKA!!

Wow.
It was late last night, roughly ... one in the morning?
Maybe 12:30. Well, my hand knocked against the wall ...
and the deepest cut (top line left side) split open.
I thought, meh happens all the time. But once it
started ... it didnt stop bleeding.
First ... it felt like my head was dipped in a bucket of
cold water and I started getting chills. I was shaking all
over. It wasnt stopping the blood flow, despite my
efforts. And then my fears were answered when I heard that
hollow laugh spill out of my mouth. The empty laugh that
replaces the "ouch" whenever the blade sinks in.
Everything became a blur ... my vision went a blacky
grey ... and my eyelids felt like 100 lbs.
I was on the phone with Nik at the time ... and ... O.o I
dont rememebr much so bare with me. I remember dropping
the phone and lurching forward and vomitting on the floor
beside my closet. I wasnt surprised to wake up and find a
blood spattered mirror.
I remember my sheets being covered in blood ... and a
smere on my wall where I had tried to hold up my hand ..
but failed. I was laying down ... and I remeber Nik's
voice telling me to stay awake and to sit up O.o
I called Kevin on mum's phone ... And he said he'd be over
as soon as possible. Nik told me he'd stay with me until
Kevin got there ... by now .. it had to have been really
late ... roughly one thirty maybe ... close to two.
Then ... his cell phone died. My arm went limp ... and the
phone was off the hook.
I dont know when Kevin showed up, I was unconscious by
then ... I remember blurs. I rememebr the light turning
on .. and remember being forced to sit up ... I rememeber
seeing Kevins face just once ... he was wapping it in a
bandage ... I also rememeber him singing. He sings to calm
himself down ... I know that much. I remember ...
thinking "wow this is death ... he must be an angel" ...
but now I know I was crazy. I wouldnt have died ... but I
was really hepped on blood loss.
I remember the song he was singing. It sounded like
Perfect Day...I love it when he sings that.
It felt like it had been years when I heard mum pound on
my door this morning to wake me up for school, unaware of
the nights events. I woke up beside Kevin, who had shared
the bed with me. There was blood on his shirt ... and
wipped against his face ... but he didnt seem to care.
According to him it was 4 in the morning by the time the
bleeding stopped and he let me sleep. And here we were at
seven thirty ... in a spot of truble.
See, I'm queezy ... feeling sick and light headed. And I
wake up beside someone who I didnt even rememeber how he
got there. Hmm ... So we did the logical thing!
Kevin knocked out my screen and jumped out my two story
window.
I felt ... really drained today. I was on the edge of
passing out all day.
I still feel kind of sick, but I wont complain.
I was real bitchy all day. If Nik hadnt told me to ... I
would have passed out and not have called Kevin. Ha ...
twice now.




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