*~*Silent Tears*~*

~*~SINKING AND FALLING*~*
2005-06-07 22:15:17 (UTC)

Regret

I think . . . yes I know I am always thinking, but this
time, I think something in particular. I think that the
scars that will last the longest on the ones I see
everyday in the people I love. All my life, I have tried
to make this world, the place I have always wanted to
believe it to me. And now for the first time ever, I am
the problem . . . I am the difficulty and the pain. It
may sound strange, but this is the first time my actions
have really . . . hurt people in ways I can never fix, and
that kills me the most. The fact that I am in complete
opposite to my goal. I gave into the problems around me
until I became the problem myself. I hurt the people I
love, in ways I can never fix and dang it I hate that. It
burns hotter than anything else in the world, because
people are people, and its them that you can't fix. They
aren't material. When all else is gone, the hurt will
never leave their eyes, the mark will never go. I know I
can't change what happened, but you can blame me to want
to with everything that I am. Because I hate being indebt
to people, and this is a debt that I can never repay and
is something that isn't in my control and yet was once.
So my title fits really, that is the one of regret,
because I sincerely and intently regret every little bit
of it. My little brother saw my arm and asked me about
it, what was I supposed to say to that little boy. My
brother and sister who are away from home, this is
something I can't tell them now, but keeping it a secret
isn't right either. Its a situation where there is no
right and no wrong, and yet I can't just do nothing.
Sigh. How am I supposed to handle this, but it doesn't
matter because somehow I will, have to. I live on because
I have my whole life ahead of me to show that I can be a
better person, than the one I have sunk so low as to being
because I know I am better than this, I really really am,
and I still have to prove it to me, and to the rest of the
world.

-*~*Silent Tears*~*




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