Lost_cold_alone

Flying on broken wings
Ad 2:
2005-06-07 22:10:47 (UTC)

Summer School

Dear diary,

blah, so this is behind... oh well. *Stabs her net*. Lets
see, lets go back to June 6th, my first day of summer
school.

-=Dear diary=-

Today is my first day of summer school... and it's already
going VERY slow... I'm so tired... I wish that Raya... my
muma and dada were here I think that I have to agree with
what Lita said. She said that I feel alone, and I guess
that it's true.- What is Salvias? ~Sigh~ the kids behind me
are mocking the teacher. I don't think they can hear me-
er.. I mean I don't think they know that I can hear them. I
found out what a Salvias is! It's a paper that tells you
what you’re going to do! Great... ~sigh~ this is not
cool... I’m so TIRED! T-T mew... I want to exempt! ~Jumps
up and down~ Hehe ~now happy~ Yay! Hehe no tardies or
absences mean I get to skip the final! ~Blinks sitting back
down! I thought about something the talk that I had with
Kite last night I think I understand now that what she was
trying to tell me.

Back from break and I can't read that pen... . this pen
is to dark. Mew... I have take notes! Brb- or not... My
teacher is color blind, and he also loves to water skit but
lost his finger. His wedding band finger, it's only half a
finger. Aw! Wednesday we are buying stock. o.o don't know
if that’s a good thing. I'm cold... and no, still more
tired. Notes, be right back.

Sorry about that, I got caught up in work. I had to do a
worksheet and then we broke for lunch. I saw Taylor and his
friend Cody there. o.o I feel asleep! T-T I think someone
read you... cause I left you open when I was asleep. I am
going to take notes now.....

17 minutes left! haha! T-T so bored!... More notes- done!
With 15 minutes left!

-Amy

Dear diary,

Kite told me that she thinks that I am lonely, and yes, I
think that I am. My heart hurts me so much now days. I feel
that I am alone here as I sit here-… I just wish that I
could have a knife and cut my wrists and watch them bleed,
but I am not the weak. I know what I have here, I have a
great family that I love with all my heart… and truly I
wouldn’t trade them for the world… I just don’t understand
what my heart feels. My eyes feel so heavy, I wish I knew
why, but I guess it’s just because of the fact that I was
crying. My dad is right; I can make myself cry… I just wish
that was one time I was making myself. I can feel the wind,
and the soft hum of the wind chime. It’s really nice,
almost makes me want to fall asleep right here. I think for
once I am happy; I am at peace, for I am myself and I am
alone. I am fully alone with just my laptop and the natural
sounds around me. Its really nice… well it was, now my dad
is out here and talking to me about my S.A.T’s and TEEKS. I
hate it so much, it upsets me, though I am not really sure
why. I guess that it’s the fact that it starts off fights
in my family. It’s really hard to know, and to understand.
I don’t understand things… then again I think it’s just
that I block it out of my mind so that I can’t. I am alone-
… so alone that it hurts. I wish that someone were here;
someone was beside me, but no. I am alone, and no one is
here, yet there have been so many promises made to me… I
guess that’s what hurts me the most. I mean, I don’t really
care that I am alone; it’s just hard to hear that someone
will come. My heart hurts when I hear that for I know for a
fact now that I shall never have anyone and that I shall be
alone.

I keep falling asleep… I’m going to bed…

-Amy 7:29 pm

-=Dear diary=-

Today is Tuesday June 7th, 2005. I am in class now, and I
was seven minutes early. Things at home aren't really that
good; mum was woken up at 3 am by my cell phone. I don't
know how, but I guess I must have called her. Well- I don’t
want to talk about that right now. Well this morning the
girl two chairs behind me said good morning, and tapped my
shoulder. She is real sweet, even though she does bad mouth
others. Ah! Veronica is her name, thank you role call, just
wish I knew if I spelt it wrong or right. Clair and Chris
were late today; I hope they don't get in trouble for it. I
have a toothache... ow. Haha I wont get cold today, even
though I can feel the chill of the room. We have a quiz
today; it's after lunch for chapters 1 & 2.

Out of school, well... a) I need to get my internet
working, cause it keeps dying on me more so when I am
talking to people, like Kevi, and Alexandra. It's driving
me crazy. I think that it's just the way things are meant
to be. I mean that I have just to be my best to say what I
must, and what I can't... well just must never of never
meant to have been said. I gave up on trying to write in my
diary on the net. I talked with Kevi last night, and he
found out what is really on my mind. I don't know if it
made him all that happy, but he knows the truth now. That I
am lonely, and more so hurt by his words, and others words
too, but mostly his for he keeps repeating them.

~Sigh~ I feel asleep again! T-T I think he wrote me up...
but I can't help it, it's really boring... Aw! Chris fell
asleep, and I am going back to bed now. Aw man, I'm out
smarting the teacher! Well making good points and leaving
him dumbfounded. blah! Bored! T-T I wan a hug... mew...
well that and go potty.

Home! Net, you know what? I am really starting to hate you.
I don't know why, but I just do. Well my Internet ohana is
really broken up now... and I’m being taught things I pray
are untrue. Though I do not say for- well yeah. "In my next
30 years!" hehe, I'm listening to that song right now and
it's a new song. It's a real sad, slow song. "You'll find
better love, strong as it ever was". It's real sad, and
also very cute. I don't know what to call it right now to
tell all truth.

-Amy -5:10PM


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