Nick's Journal
2005-06-02 23:37:20 (UTC)

Nurses shouldn't actually be hot

i'll raise my hand. i think it's sexy if a girl is in a
nurses outfit. truthfully i don't know why this would in
any way push a button in the male mind, but it does (for
most guys), so i figured that a hot nurse can only be a good
thing. in fact it's the exact opposite. think about it for
a second.
ok now read on.
after having lugged a couch around and not treating my
sinuses i developed a horrible earache last night and i had
to go to the doctor today. i choose who ever was the closest
and finally got an appointment at 1:45. i reached the
office early and went up to the receptionist.
"awwww, you not feeling well?" she was a kindly elderly
woman with the soft grey hair and 50s type glases, smiling,
sweetly and just overall exuding a sanguine aura.
i was standing there literally dripping. my nose was
dripping, and my ear (i know its disgusting) was dripping.
"no i'm not feeling well."
"aww well the doctor will be right with you."
with this she handed me about 5 pages of documents.
"just fill this out from here on up, then check all that
apply on this sheet," she flipped the first page, "then give
a brief description of family history, read this statement",
she flipped the second page, "initial here, print your name
here," she flipped the third page, "and sign and date here,
after having filled it out."
there i sat struggling with mounds of paper work. can't
they not do this when you're sick as fuck? i thought i was
going to vomit all over the documents. i couldn't even
focus on it.
there i was draining from every orifice, shaking and trying
to fill out who the most recent member of immediate family
was to have a disease.
i looked up. HOLY SHIT!
staring at me was a woman who wasn't just 'alright', but
incredibly a nurse uniform.
i did the obligatory...."eh, hehehe, huh?"
i followed her doggedly, trying my best to keep all the
mucus in my body.
i sat down in a chair next to her as she looked at my
hapazardly filled out information.
"okkkkkkay, i'm just going to need a bit more info."
she looked up smiling.
i sat there slack-jawed, sniffling and desperately
pretending that my left ear wasn't leaking some disgusting
foul smelling liquid.
"what's bothering you today?"
"ummm, nothing." nothing? what the fuck are you doing!
your ear! your sinus infection. laugh nick! laugh, save
"eh i mean i have a sinuse infection and some uh...heheh,
some uh, ear infection."
"are you experiencing any drainage?"
"ehhhh, yess, some, i mean not much, but some, i believe
there was some this morning but i took some ibuprofen...not
for the drainage but for the pain. it was hurting, i think
it was my sinuses though i don't know if it's my ear."
oh my god. shut. the. fuck. up.
she smiled and said,
"ok the doctor will be right in but right now i need to take
your blood pressure and weight."
she came around to my left side no matter how desperately i
tried to maneuver her towards the non-draining ear.
"awww, that looks pretty bad, how long has that been going on?"
i cringed.
"since last night."
"aww, poor guy it must be painful."
as i went through the standard medicinal preparations i
realized that the last thing you really want is a beautiful
girl to be your nurse. it's sort of the dilemma of having a
supermodel next to you on an 8 hour flight. sure it sounds
great now, but think about it.
say one stupid thing and there is no place for you to go.
act flustered, stupid, fart, smell, or anything like that
you are stuck there for another 7 hours, as she pretends you
aren't next to her and you try desperately to salvage your
no mo fo me.