blkdragon

grounded
2005-06-02 02:09:52 (UTC)

From Life to Death

5/30/05 Got up and began cleaning the apartment, detailing
actually, moving everything; hope to get to the spare
bedroom to finish what I started. I’d also like to detail
my car today, who knows?
Hoping to get to see Kim before the day is over. Tried
calling Louisa, no answer. Shawn and Joshua have voiced
their displeasure with my continued involvement with her,
they also mentioned Shun and Patty in their commentary,
they’ve not been content with my choices. They say I’ve
been settling, I say nothing ventured, nothing gained!
I called my Nephew (Mike) this morning, we had a nice talk,
he knew it was me immediately; that surprised me. He told
me I was in the world database, he also recognized my
voice. He brought me up to date on what he’s doing, he’s
finally working, he told me that Charles has called him; he
wanted to visit and Mike asked him how he was doing in
school? Charles gave the bridged version, Mike didn’t buy
it and told him not to okey doke him. I let Mike know that
Charles is much like my Elder Brother, I went on to tell
him the issue still on the table between Curtis and myself,
he didn’t know the deal; I told him the sitch needs to be
resolved in person and he understood that his Uncle broke a
cardinal rule. Never side against your Family!
I had my Nephew put his Son (also Mike) on the phone, he
told me his Son loves some Uncle Chuck, Family are the only
ones allowed to speak to me in the Familiar. Mike got on
and we began talking comic history, what he’s been doing,
how he’s been doing; it’s always my greatest joy to touch
him. I told him that I’d call him once a week and marked my
calendar to inform me of that appointment with my Love. I
regret not speaking to his Sister and Mother, I’ll rectify
that later in the week. My Nephew and I (briefly) discussed
my Younger Brother, Bilal, he told me that he speaks to him
as he’s always done. I mentioned that I don’t always know
how to open communications with him, I resigned to give him
a call. Bilal has always been an inspiration for me, always
motivated me to think before I act and not just because I’m
his Elder, because he’s always been a source of pride,
regardless of the mistakes he’s made. We discussed his most
recent marriage, I think it was his 4th or his 5th, it
didn’t work out either; coming to this country changed her.
He’s been indicted, charged with weapons possession. She
called the FBI and charged him with being part of a
terrorist plot or group, I’m sure he’ll be vindicated, he
didn’t need that and I don’t think it will stop him from
searching for the love of his life.
Perhaps there’s something inherently wrong with his
protocols, that he can’t see through the fluff of his
relationships, perhaps the same may hold true for me? I’ve
been able to evaluate the women in my life in reference to
my desires and needs, my criteria levels are well defined
and no one’s come closer than Kim, how we interact with
each other (on a personal level) will be the determining
factor though. I’m not worried, nor will I be bitter or
angry if things don’t work out between Kim and I, I’m sure
we’ll remain friendly; I certainly won’t penalize her for
being who she is. We are all products of our environment,
culture and upbringing!
My Brother doesn’t agree with my choice to stay away from
all organized religions, he believes it’s worse than
choosing the wrong one, he believes Islam to be the way. I
believe in my heart that I follow the truest tenets of (all
religions)Islam and Christianity, I believe that they are
one and the same! The minute man chose to get involved in
the Word, everything got screwed. I believe the Word can be
found in every guidebook of the known religious world, the
Bible, Koran and the Torah; the Word being the Truth. I
know what the Truth is, in my heart and I speak to God from
there, there is no need for Grand supplications;
debasements of any sort or shepherding. God only accepts
those that come of their own free will.
Joshua and I were talking about the state of Hip Hop today,
the fact that a formula persists that insists on the
portrayal of Our people as criminals, we in turn give
credence to the inference by showing that our greatest
achievements are a result of crime. The premier Families in
this country made their monies by doing crime, they are the
controlling Families in this society, now it’s a crime for
everyone to follow their example.
5/31/05 Did not want to go to work today.
6/1/05 Talked to Shun about skating, Monday night. Skated
Tuesday, I was on time, business is very slow for them and
I’m thinking about checking out another rink. I’ve been
going to this place for two decades and they’ve given me no
incentive to continue giving them my money. A woman
approached me, told me that she’s come to see her friend
skate and decided to skate herself, said she’s been
enjoying watching me; she said it seems as though I’m
floating. It feels as though I’m floating when I roll,
that’s why I enjoy it so much. She seemed to want more
conversation, I hadn’t been to the rink in a week and
didn’t want to spend my time talking. Did notice that ass
though, must only be because I’m not sexually active, can’t
rock that way anymore; far too many takers. One of the
regulars arrived shortly after me, the one that discussed
the price changes for Sunday,, she’s giving me the feeling
that she wants my attention; I don’t mind talking briefly,
but only Patty gets the extended conversation. Patty’s the
scientist, real comfortable with her and we’ve known each
other for some time, there’s no expectations on my part;
not sure about her now though.
I had some Mariah Carey that I recorded, got off on it,
skated hard at times and did more footwork than the norm; I
was beat by 8:45. I stopped at the Credit Union today, to
see about getting an account started for Kim to use, so she
can have ready access to her money with a debit card. Ran
into Tsehaya, (an old friend) she’s renting Joshua a room
in Manhattan, we talked about her time with him during the
last two days; she took him to her apartment to familiarize
him with the city and to meet her Son. She told me that
Joshua had met his match, her Son is 32, they hit it off
splendidly. Tsehaya and I spent most of our time talking
about Charles, she lives in the same building as he and his
Mother, she’ll be keeping her eyes on him; she plans to
jamm him up every time she sees him. I’m planning to try to
spend more time with him. Tsehaya lost quite a bit of
weight, we discussed what was up with that, she’s a truly
lovely woman and I love the time we spend talking.
Haven’t been able to get in touch with Pretty, bothers me,
something tells me that she’s at risk, not much I can do
about that though; there’s no answer at her Mother’s
either. Just called Louisa, she answered the phone, she
asked a few questions; but we really had little to say to
one another, or maybe I just don’t have much to say to her.
Our conversations are general, she tries to advise and
believes she’s keeping me on track in my job search, she
asked about my application to the bakery and
scholarship/grant information for Joshua; I told her that I
took care of the application and Tsehaya has a handle on
Joshua’s schooling. Tsehaya’s working towards her Master’s,
if she hasn’t already gotten it, she’s serious about her
involvement with my Son’s.
I cut the “conversation” with Louisa short, I scheduled an
alarm to call my Grandnephew and told her that I needed to
call him; I look forward to this. Mike and I discuss comic
history and what’s new in the comic world, he keeps me up
to date. I plan to talk to his Sister (Ashley), at least to
say hello and let her know that I still care about her.
Had to deal with a bit of Kenny’s shit today, stepped away
when he began with his bitchin, stayed in my head for the
rest of the day. I’m always ready to go home after lunch
these days, got my second wind and we finished the current
job before 3:30. He told me what the game plan was for
tomorrow and we called it a day.
Just got off the phone with Mike, I love those kids,
conversation is not so free with Ashley; being a girl and
all. Mike is an extraordinary young man, he’s keeping a
journal, he used to help Ashley (his elder Sister) with her
math homework; he’s conducting an experiment with life
cycles. He tried to explain the experiment to me, I
understood the relationship between the elements involved,
couldn’t visualize how it would appear, I asked him to
photograph it; I’d like to construct it for permanent use.
The experiments seems to contain an aquarium and terrarium,
involved in a symbiotic relationship, it was
interesting as hell listening to him explain it to me.
Mike’s also sketching and I plan to send him images by Ruth
Thompson to sketch, I plan to have my Elder Sister (his
Grandmother) bring him to a Pet Store to find a Beta
(Siamese Fighter) or I’ll bring one for him when I go to
visit. I’ll bring Ashley a couple of mix cd’s. Ashley
spends as much time as she can with my Sister, she doesn’t
miss the time with me.
Found out that someone has called Child Protective Services
on the Parents that aren’t watching their kids here,
they’re all worried now, if they were doing their jobs they
wouldn’t have to worry. Now the Parents are wondering who
called the CPS, instead of understanding their next move,
handle your business! I was planning to come home and take
the seats out of my car, wash the carpets and the exterior
of my car, guess I’ll handle that this weekend. I meant to
call Shawn’s Brother and schedule a talk with him about
respecting his Mother.
Had a dream about Shawn’s cousin Quan, how he looked at me
when I touched him while at Diana’s, the touch was love and
he showed aggression. Quan’s sportin flags, yet he thinks
he’s tough, if he was tough he wouldn’t be bangin; only
chumps clump in groups, a man stands on his own. In the
dream I told him and his boy that I don’t play, that I’d
ghost him with a whisper, that would be the sound of his
last breath escaping through the carotid artery in his
neck; I sliced him with a straight razor. He didn’t have
time to raise his hand in his defense, I kissed him and
gave him two pennies to put on his own eyes. His boy fell
into a seated position, gazed at me with pleading shock, I
smile and sent him on his way, he lay down holding his
throat; wetting himself in two places.
I woke up angry!




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