Completely Incomplete

Letting Go Is All I've Held Onto
2005-06-01 02:19:48 (UTC)

mmmmmmmmmmmmm

Mmm pure ecstacy of the blade. How I longed for it ... mmm
so good ... so sweet.
Just to watch my blood fall ... to watch it drip down ...
But this time ... it clotted .. alot more then it should
have. And the blade felt almost like ice as it sunk
down ... father and farther ...
The last time ... the last moments I get to watch my blood
seeping from the sliver lines ... oh how sweet it was.
No more will the blade sink down. No more. NO MORE.
I feel almost .. sick. Blood loss maybe .. or the smell.
The smell gets to me .. more then anything. The smell of
flesh ... the smell of blood.
And .. I think things are going to be alright. And thats
just not the blood loss talking ...
FOr the first time in TWO FUCKING MONTHS I stood on the
over pass ... and didnt think of jumping. I held a knife
and didnt have tempting thoughts of running it across a
vein. I took tylonol and didnt think of taking .. 7 too
many. I didnt once think of sedation.
And I felt love. Love for the world .. a reborn sense. Im
back. Amber's back. Mmmm how sweet it is. No more hollow
love .. now its pure and true ...
Kade broke his chain. He went over the lines with me. He
did the exact marks ... on the exact same wrist at the
exact same time. Together. For him his new first for me ..
my last.
And ravon told me somethign about a present .. from Kade.
I dont know what it is yet ... But aparently he had her
pay for it and give it to me .. but it was from him. He
said he'd pay her back in another life.
He wrote a poem to go with it. Aww .. thats so sweet. :)




Ad: