Foxglove

Anne Frank to Bridget Jones
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2005-05-31 22:05:20 (UTC)

excuse me, theres a lump of coal in my holy water

When I was very young my mum would try to talk to me about
God. I would clam up and shy away, I thought I would get in
trouble because I didnt believe. When youre six you live in
a limited world and I thought everyone in the world
believed in God but me. I thought there was something
terribly wrong with me. I wanted to believe. I tried to
believe. I donned a cross necklace and I would pray before
bed, I said all the things I thought I should say, how
grateful I was for all the wonderful things, and I meant
it. But it was never more than a few nights before I got
that light empty feeling that I was talking to myself. I
would feel disillusioned and weak, like everyone had this
divine gift but me. I believed wholeheartedly in Santa
Claus until I was eight but the bible was never anything
more than a book of fairy tales.

Now I am older but hardly any wiser. But wisdom is a tricky
thing, I think. I dont know if people really get wiser with
age. I dont even have a decient defintion of wisdom. Who is
wiser? The young, with no experience, but seeing everything
new and fresh, or the old, with thousands of meaningful
experiences and thereby laden with bias?

Im grown up now and I still have no faith. Only now I dont
seek it. Faith works for some, and for those people I say
hey, whatever rocks your boat. But I think doing nice
things and being a good person so you can get into heaven
is a terribly selfish way to live. And I dont like anything
that bullies people into believing using fear... i.e.
believing in god or spend an eternity in hell. I think of
that and I hear George W.s weasly voice echoing in my head
saying "youre either with us or youre with the terrorists."
Dubya really is the perfect Christian.


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