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2005-05-29 06:08:06 (UTC)


"I'll be at your side
if you feel like you're alone
and you've nowhere to turn
I'll be at your side"
- Andrea Corr of the Corrs,
from the song "AT YOUR SIDE"
from the album IN BLUE

So I'm back after a two week hiatus, all moved in here in
Vegas and all. I sent a whole bunch of good bye e-mails
before my computer went in to be fixed, I'm online, and I
open my e-mails hoping to find replies, only to find what
I expected: nothing. It does not bother me, actually.

Haven't heard from Valerie yet. Kind of expected that. Am
I going to brude over her, because I was in love with her
I think? No, I don't think so, what will be will be. There
are other girls in the world, she just wasn't the right
one for me.

What matters to me is that I know who cares about me. I
know who my friends are. Not only friends, I know who I
can trust for life. They're not the people I took the time
to e-mail- that was a waste of breathe- only ONE of the
five actually made an attempt to contact me, and that was
my friend Evelyn from high school. I kinda expected that
she would- quite literally- jump at the chance to talk to
me again, hell, if it wasn't for me, she probably wouldn't
have graduated high school. She's a keeper. The funny
thing about her is her personaltiy. She reminds me of the
Bridget Fonda character in JACKIE BROWN, Melanie. There's
a line that Samuel L. Jackson's character has at a bar
when Robert De Niro's character asks him why he trusts her
with his gun dealing scheme (since she tried to make De
Niro turn on Jackson), and Jackson says, "I don't trust
Melanie. But I know I can trust Melanie to be Melanie."
And that's exactly what Evelyn is to me. I trust her to be
herself. It means a lot to somebody like me. If I ever was
put into a situation where I had to hand her a hand gun
(sorry, been reading a lot of the ALIENS series by Steve
Perry during the move) I know she won't shot me: she'd
hand the gun back to me, or be so damned nervous she
shoots herself in the foot, which is actually kinda funny
when you think about it. So, to Eveline, I say thanks for
being yourself. Honestly, I'm glad she has a short term
memory, beacuase she's only been to my house three times,
and I'm sure she doesn't remember, because if she did she
probably would have been attaching herslef to my leg
trying to get to stay in California, and how funny would
that be if you're taking a final in a history class and
you have a girl attached to your leg telling you to stay
where you belong. "Abrahma Lincoln delivered the
Gettysburg Address at a cemetary during the Civil War...

Then, of course, there's Andy- yes, ANdy, the guy who's
mojo turned a chick lesbain. I finally decided to forgive
him because I thought it was petty to stay angry at a guy
who simply did not understand what mattered most to him.
My buddy Ozzy frogave him for being a dick, so I decided
to forgive him too because holding a grudge so stupid is
just petty and childish. We're friend's again- I wouldn't
have been able to contact those friends I haven't talked
to since high school without him. Yeah, we're friends
again- but am I going to be showing him this diary any
time soon? Hell 'na, that right is reserved only for the
people who understand me, and right now they're only two
people- my best friend Ozzy, and somebody else.

Ozzy, my friend, what more can I say? You said it was a
waste of time e-mailing up those old contacts, and you
were dead right- expect about Eveline, but hey, that
doesn;t really count because I technically own that girl's
soul- hehehe. Bro, man, where would I be without you be my
side looking out for me? At least shit went the way it was
supposed to. No old scars reopened, and I'm still
standing, so it can't be all that bad, right? Thanks for
always being my trustworthy right hand man, dude.

I've been doing a lot of reading during the move. One of
the books I read I just had to mention because it gave me
a sense of closure on certain things that have been
happening in my life, and books hardly ever have that
effect on me. It was "Don't Kiss Them Good-bye" by Allison
Dubois, and it's a very touching, very emotionally charged
autobiography about the woman who inspired the
series "MEDIUM." I gotta admit, it was very moving for me,
it helped close up some old scars that I thought would
never be closed (because, yeah, when your sister accuses
you of stashing marijuana so she can build a recording
studio, THAT HURTS!!!!!). So, thank you, Allison, you
probably saved me from going down a path I really didn't
want to go down.

There isn't much more to say. Those friends I mentioned-
Ozzy, Andy, Eveline- they're all I have left of my friends
from high school, and that's fine with me, because they're
all I need to get by in the world. With their help.... I
feel I can accomplish anything..... so... thanks, guys,
where would I be without you?

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