Sara

The Revelations of Me
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2005-05-29 04:37:22 (UTC)

Daysleeper


My head hurts and I know why. All of the bitterness,
anger and hate I feel builds up inside me; I keep it
bottled up inside...after awhile I can't hold it in anymore
because if I do stuff will explode...and I just cant allow
that to happen. The last time something like that happened
I had a MAJOR emotional breakdown. I mean, I was like in my
lowest of low moments. I was so low that suicide wasnt even
an option for me...all that I wanted was to lay in my
bed...not eating...not sleeping...not drinking...not doing
anything at all...just allowing my body to slowly shut down
forever. Anyway...what I am trying to say is that I just
really really really really (REALLY) need to put some sort
of puncture in my head and slowly let all of the sickness
leak out onto my bed room floor...or on this keyboard
(whichever comes first).

Ya' know...yesterday I was thinking...does my strict
christan upbringing help or complicate the things in my
life presently? It's a pretty tough question...almost
irritating actually. Religion just isnt the thing that one
would want to come to mind when they are considering in
engaging in multiple sex acts with various "unknown" people
(I hate the word "stranger").

Blah. This is what I feel right now. I lost the passion
for writing. I just want close myself up in a room with
some vodka redbull and some music. I would get piss ass
drunk and cry myself to sleep listening to Foo
Fighters "The Best of You". This song makes me especially
depressed becasue I gave the best of myself to the
unworthiest sorts of people. Is that even a
word...unworthiest? Doesnt seem like it is...but hell, I
like it.

I am convinced...there are no longer anymore
beautifully twisted people in this world. Save the few who
have yet to kill themselves because they can't take the
repression of today's mindless, emotionless...society.

~Sara~


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