Soul Flares
Ad 0:
2005-05-29 01:49:37 (UTC)

Daddy (un)Dearest

I can't stand him! Why can't I? Because he insults my
brother whom I love? Because he hate me and feels such anger
towards me? Because he's finally tring all to late to be my
father? Because all of a sudden he cares when before he
didn't? I wish he would just give up, when I was in middle
school I would have loved him to be my father, to hold me,
to spend time with me. So he ignored me, and yelled at me
and was nothing to me. Then NOW when I want nothing to do
with him, he suddenly want's to be a father? No, more likely
mom had been crying to him, you don't love our children,
they hate you, don't you care? Show them you love them so
they can love you.

As if, it's too late for that why can't they just realize
that? Why can't they just give up and realize that they
fucked up beging a father, that they fucked up being there
for me, and for my brothers. He doesn't even try to be there
for Tim, and he's found Ben to be a lost cause ever since
the whole Marissa incident. So why not give up on me too?
Why try to be something he's never been to anyone? Why does
he try? I hate him so much and because of my love for my
mother I have to try not to, I have to try to be a good
daughter. How can I when he's being so mean to my brothers?
How can I go on when he talks and fills me with so much
anger and pain all I want to do is scream, cry, anything and
everything. I can't talk to Cori, she wont understand . . .
but who can I go to who will? If god is really out there,
why can't he help me, why do I still feel such heavy weights
on my shoulders, why do I feel such hate towards someone I'm
told to love?

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