violetmal

Malissa's Life
2005-05-27 16:25:43 (UTC)

Love letters

I forgot to mention that I had gotten a letter from my
exboyfriend. He wasn't able to write to me before because
he was in solitary confinement. Turns out that he still
loves me more than anything and wants us to be together
again... I doubt that will ever happen again, but it
sounds nice... Why do I still love him? What am I holding
on to?? It's like all of a sudden my heart blocks out all
of the terrible things that happened in our relationship
and only lets me remember the happy times. But then my
head takes notice of what my heart is trying to do and it
smashes it back to reality. There was a lot of pain... and
as much as I hate to admit it, I was unhappy. But look at
me now... I'm still unhappy.


I wrote him back and sent him some pictures of us
together. I also sent him a piece of our "fuzzy" blanket
and sprayed it with some of my perfume. He always loved
the way I smelled.

Right before I left for London, he sent me a card and
wrote me a love poem. I doubt he wrote it himself, because
he is not that good with words, but it was definately the
thought that counts... I still whisper his name at night
when I am in bed alone before I go to sleep. In a perfect
world, he would have been a perfect guy, with a real job,
and an ethical and moral drive to do good. He could have
been so successful... Such a waste of a wonderful person.
If he gets convicted, he will be in jail for at least 5
years. Nobody knew him the way I knew him. Nobody will
ever know him the way I know him. Nobody will ever know me
the way that he does either...... And I wonder if anyone
will ever love me the way that he does...

He told me that nobody would.

Part of me still believes him...

Part of me wants to prove him wrong...




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