NotSoSadSadie

The Laughter Inside My Mind
2005-05-26 18:23:44 (UTC)

Holy Cow BatMan...I'm Backkkkk

I finally get to update,So much has gone on since i last
wrote,i KNOW i'm going to leave something out,but oh
well,there's ALWAYS next time....
The first weekend in May was a hard one..We had my
grandmother's memorial service in Milwaukee the day after
Mother's Day...My sister;Two sons and myself went to
madison to stay with my aunt for the weekend before(we
didn't even spend mother's day with my mom)oh yeah..my
brother from North Dakota rode with us as well...It was a
weekend that was much needed to get away from this
hellhole,but i wasn't looking forward to that monday,there
were family members i hadnt seen since my uncle passed away
13 yrs ago(sad isn't it?)then there were family members
that didn't even show up..we had arranged for 3 speakers
(one oldest child from each of granma's siblings--me being
one of them since i am the oldest grandchild of all)but it
didn't work out that way..my mom was suppose to speak
first,but when she got up there,she started to cry and
choked so she couldn't do it(which is totally
understandable)guess who was up next? me..i had to take a
pill before i got up there so i wouldn't pass out,i was so
nervous,yet i felt honored to do this..i started out with a
poem by an unknown author:

GOD saw that she was getting tired and a cure was not to be
So he put his arms around her and whispered"come with me"
With tearful eyes we watched her suffer and fade away
Although we couldn't bear to lose her we could not bid her
to stay
A golden heart stopped beating,harworking hands laid to rest
GOD broke our hearts to prove to us He only takes the BEST.

With tearful eyes i looked up for a moment and the
congergation was sobbing as well,i had to catch my breath
before i was to continue with memories that each of us had
shared with grandma together and the ones we had of her
alone..The hardest thing i had to do when i was
finished,was say "see you again one day grandma" she'll
always be missed but NEVER forgotten...two more speakers
got up,one was my cousin and another was a family friend
whom we have all grown up calling auntie..it was a
beautiful service,when it was done we all drove to my great-
grandmother's plot,and watched as they put my grandma's
ashes in the ground at the foot of great-grandma..we left
the cemetary to go to a cousins house to eat,drink and
talk..it was a nice time to get reaquainted with family
members....we drove back a hour to madison to finish
getting our things and then off on the highway..back
home...it actually felt good to be home again,yet at the
same time..sad...mixed emotions...i hate them but i know
i'm not alone...nothing much really exciting happened the
following week,i was planning my on what i was going to do
for my birthday,since it was on a weekday,i wanted to go
out on saturday to make up for it,we had a surprise party
sat during the day for my cousin who turned 17,then it was
time to get ready to go out,a couple of my
girlfriends,sister and aunt showed up,plus the bar was
nicely packed..i had a good ole time...i got way too
trashed,plus i met a man there....we all left there to go
to the gay bar and wouldn't ya know it i got pulled over(i
was so scared i almost pissed myself)i thought for sure i
was going to get a drunk driving(i should NOT having been
driving for as much as i drank-i could have hurt or killed
someone and i made a pact with GOD the i will NEVER drive
with even a drop in my system again)i got pulled over for a
defective brake light and expired tags..all i got was a
warning..tell me luck wasn't on my side? that's why i made
the pact never to drink and drive again..
We ended up at the gay bar but left early..i was FINALLY
going to get laid(what i set out to do as a birthday
present to myself)It was a great experience,and by being
able to have sex with someone else,i was able to let hubby
go...no guilt...the guy still calls me once in awhile but
we haven't repeated our actions,it's actually cool that he
still calls so we can talk...i wasn't expecting him to, nor
sweating the fact if he didn't..just one of those
things...besides he's married...yeah yeah..i know..but
hey...then on my real birthday my sister took me out to
lunch and my brother and her girlfriend also came with,went
to a mexican resturant and had a monster drink that costed
10.50,then they waiters came over with a somberro made me
put it on,sang happy birthday and gave me a shot,which they
started on fire and i had to drink it thru a straw,it was
called la cocarocha..it was nasty as hell..needless to say
i had quite the buzz on...we also went to bingo at the
casino(cos it's free on your birthday and they also give ya
10.00 to play the machines-i'm cheap)one of my best
friend's came with as well...she won 400.00 and i won
nothing..so it was a typical night for us when we go to the
casino....now for the hubby gossip...Me and my best friend
found out where he lives..took us over 2 hours but we did it
(told him to never under estimate me)well we decided to be
evil and go back late at night.....we wore all black,used a
different vehicle..and went out to hmmmmmm how can i put
it...devalue his vehicle...his nice shiney black 1998 honda
accord...that he paid almost 7,000.00 for..i'm not going to
go into details as to what was done to it,just in case
there is ever any indications that it was me..they'll need
proof and i'm not giving any(im sure ya understand)let's
just say..it was a job well done..he also got fired from
his job..so sad eh..NOT.. that is what he gets..and he's in
jail until about the end of june...so now i dont have to
worry about him stalking me for awhile,but im sure when he
gets out,he'll drive by here to see if i stll live here or
not(cos he doesn't feel i could survive without him-HA what
a joke)now my revenge is all done for him,if he can leave
me alone that is,because i will enforce the 4 year
restraining order i have against him,which i have not done
yet..but i will.....
I got 2 more little girls for daycare,and let me tell
you,they keep me on my toes...buti love kids,just glad i
can't concieve anymore of my own..school is out in 7
dayz...oh lord here they comeeee..i'm kinda excited becos
then i can do the things with the boys that huby never
wanted to do..and hopefully lawsuit will be finishing up
before summer is over so me and the boys can go to
florida..i can't wait for that..i've never even been
there..so i'm looking forward to it,i even invited my
sister and told her i would pay for her if she wanted to
come with us..me and her have grown quite close since
grandma passed and that she has totally come out of the
closet,which is cool....thank gawd tomorrow is friday,i've
had enough babysitting...not that im doing anything really
special this weekend,but since my vehicle has been real
retarded for the last month,i need to get out and go to a
friends house for some cards...i hate being cooped
up,that's another reason i can't wait for my settlement,so
i can get a newer vehicle,i was going to get another
van,but i kinda want a chevy s10 blazer..that'd be cool eh?
Well enuff jibber jabber,i think i got out what i needed to
for the moment..it feels so good to be back and ive even
managed to keep my head above the water through at that's
went on....


With much Love,
Sadie


AFTER GLOW:

I'd like the memory of me to be a happy one.
I'd like to leave an after glow of smiles when life is done.
I'd like to leave an echo of whispering softly down the ways
Of happy times and laughing times and bright and sunny days.
I'd like the tears of those who grieve,to dry before the sun
Of happy memories that i leave when my life is done.




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