DayDream Believer
2005-05-26 14:10:08 (UTC)

The end

Im finished with my exams for this sesmester, everyone
around me is feeling so happy and relifed its over, but Im
just feeling empty. Mybe the psycologystudy means much more
to me than for the others, I LOVE this, with all my heart
and soul, my mind, my brain, every part of me knows this is
right for me and still I dont do as well as I should. In
the week before the exams I read form I woke up in the
morning til 9 in the evning.
I guess the feeling of getting a holiday would have seemed
much better if it wassnt for the fect that I have to work
most of the summer. I hate working at the hotel at the
moment, when Im there Im scared Im gonna end up doing it
for the rest of my life, cleaning other peoples room for
all most no monny and having a terrible boss. Its so far
from where I wanna be thet you cant imagine, not that there
is anything wrong with cleaning afther others as a carrer,
I think its a good experience to have, but I dont wanna
spend the rest of my life doing it. I could apply for other
jobs, but I cant come up with anything else I wanna do

The familywisit was so nice, I loved having them over even
though it was hard because I had to study. They lived with
us, but wisited my father at the hotel, even though its his
family we want to stay as we`ll always been though my
parents are seperated. The situvation at home feels much
better now that Gracie is back with my mother, and she and
Karoline are back in the house and my father out of it. The
things with my father is stil difficult, but it dont bother
me, Im verry relaxed and happy about the situvation. He`ll
never change I know that now, and afther I made my peace
with it I feel so much better. As long as Gracie and
Karoline is doing fine, so Im . I dont think Gracie will
ever be friends with him agen, mybe not Karoline eather but
her Im not so sure of. Karoline is doing much better, she
was russ this year and loved it, she also got her first
boyfriend and he`s a really nice boy. Im verry happy for
her, she deserves this.

Me and Tommy also have our ups and downs, I wanna ask him
if he LOVES me, but have not found the currage yet. I
wanted before my exams but decided to wait cause I dont
want any disasters around my exams. And now Im scared to
ask, I know Tommy and he will find the question stupid. Me
and S*, well it was me who started it, had this thing about
not asking qestions before you`re ready to hear the answer,
it might sound silly but there is a lot of questions you
want answer for, but if you get the wrong answer it will
upset you, so you`re not ready.
I think Im more ready to hear no, but not yes. If he says
yes I will be verry upset because then he could have told
me so. Tommy is the type of person who is able to not say
it before you ask. If he says no, Im sure thats what yoy
think he will say, and thats the most resnoble to think, I
will be ok. I just need to ask him this one more time,
cause I need to know.
We have had some great moments lately, but have lots of
small fights about nothing. Who should do what in the
house, who did waht, who said what, who called who this,
bla bla bla.
He sometimes think Im stupid because I dont know where
diffrent places in the comuity is, or about fotball, for
example the diffrence between champions leage and uefa cup.
And I thin he`s stupid when we sow something about Bolywood
on tv and he had never hread about Bollywood or Bollywoodd
movies!There is also lots of ther things I though everyone
knew, but not him, he seems to think the same about me I
There will be more writing, much more, but now I gotta go.


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