Codesmith

Life, Or Something Like It
2005-05-25 08:04:45 (UTC)

To Travel In The Deep

It's 0525, Wednesday. 351am. Night. Pitch black. I suppose,
under normal circumstances the absence of light might prove
a bit frightening to those who aren't use to it's darker
clutches.

But for someone like me, it brings a sort of comfort. The
night hides you, like some sort of warm, comforting dark
cloth covering you and all the prying eyes of the world.

I'd imagine, that space, is sort of like that. The vast
distances between stars, that one long lonely journey
between astronomical phenomenon, ... is a very long, and
cold journey between the intense heats of hydrogen burning.
Well, not all stars burn hydrogen, of course.

To travel to and fro, new stars ... that long cosmic journey
in the silent, faintly twinkling twilight. It's ... cold.
Lonely. For someone like me, the focus would have to be on
the absolute absence of emotions. To be void of such things,
so as to never be aware of something else. A warmer, else.
For that's where the pain begins, no? The pain is in knowing
that there is a difference between what you feel and what
you should feel.

But how can you be in pain, when you're in a constant state
of it?

Sort of like my mouth, actually. It hurts, terribly to open
my mouth wide. It sort of stretches some tissue, and
apparently that bit of tissue is where my sore is located.
It not only stings terribly to eat, but it hurts to open my
mouth wide.

So, I do it more. I open my mouth wide at random intervals,
to get that feeling of pain. To become use to it. To work
with that sort of pain, and to adapt to it.

... But why was I talking about the stars again? I don't
really recall now.

I think, maybe, I was trying to say that the long journey
inbetween is just that ... a long journey. One we all make,
and one we make alone. The only echoes of life we feel, see,
and touch are the ones that echo from other people. And,
there are so many ... many, people.

So maybe that's what space is like, then. Not that it's
empty and you're the only one in it. But, you're in it with
a ton of other people. Their actions, behaviours, and
choices are so ... intense, so cacophonic, that ... it's
like hearing everything and then nothing at all. Hearing,
nothing at all, because ... there is no other point of
contrast. You hear everyone, feel everyone, can see everyone
... that ... it's just a normal part of your life. There is
no point of contrast. So, ... it's like there isn't anything
there at all.

Just like, being in pain, but being in pain for so long ...
it's no longer considered pain.




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