FloydianSlip

Going Postal
2005-05-24 07:30:27 (UTC)

And there's still nobody home

I'm to the point now where I want to quit tonight, right
now, this very minute. No job is worth this much emotional
torture. I don't want to cry myself to sleep for the next
three months because I can't be with the one I love. Fuck
that! I'm even willing to work fast food (scary huh?)

I thought my hours were from 3:00 to 10:30, but apparently
my hours are 3:30 to 10:30. I'm going to go start putting
in applications first thing tomorrow morning.

Jeremy called my cell phone earlier tonight while I wasn't
on break and left a voice mail message. He sounded about
as bad as I felt/am feeling. I miss him.

I love the irony of it all. One of the things that Meijer
prides itself on is the fact that it has flexible
hours. ...Well prove it! When I asked Connie about
getting my schedule changed slightly she told me that I was
stuck with the hours I had with no possibility of change.
Great...

I'm thinking about putting my application back in at the
Childhood Leukemia Foundation. I hated that job, I loathed
it, I despised it...but I could work double shifts and
still have plenty of time to see Jeremy. I could also work
the night shift when I'm taking the summer class and do
only the night shift...afterall the latest you'll ever work
is 9:00 PM...oooh. That would give me time to do my
homework, it would be money, and I would get to hop over to
Jeremy's after work or come home and be with him for a
little while before having to go straight to bed. Problem
solved!

Nobody's up. I just wanted a hug so bad or someone to hold
me that I forced Clive into it. Poor thing he was
like "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" but he finally gave in.

The Miejer job wouldn't be so bad when I went back to
school. We'd get to see each other during the week and
Jeremy wouldn't be working on the weekends so I wouldn't
have to worry about him going to bed around midnight.
Besides I'm kind of used to not getting to see him until 9,
10, 11, midnight anyway when it comes to weekends...that
doesn't mean I like it any less though.

My family doesn't make it any easier either. When I come
home from college one of the first things they ask is if I
have any plans. I usually tell them that I'm going out
with Jeremy later. Then they ask why I'm not going out
with him now and usually my reply is "well he's probably
out with his family" or "I couldn't get ahold of him" or "I
went by there and nobody was there."

If I go over there on Friday then I get it all day Saturday
first thing when I wake up. "What are your plans?" "Go
out with Jeremy later." "Why later?" "Because of his
family." "Well don't they know you go to college and you
should spend as much time as possible together on the
weekends?" "Yeah."

Then ALL day everytime they see me or they come back this
way to go to the bathroom or something I get the "Well has
he called yet?" or the other thing they might as is "Have
you been talking on IM?" "No." "What's he doing?" "I
don't know, but I'm guessing he's out with his
family." "Well that's not right." "Yeah I know." Which
makes me even more miserable being reminded about how
miserable I am without him every half hour or so.

I wish his family was more like mine in that respect. My
parents are constantly seeing something on the news or
reading something in the paper and being like "You and
Jeremy should go to this...might be fun." or "Hey you
know...you could do this Saturday with Jeremy!!" Then they
get all "You should be with Jeremy" when I'm home on the
weekends waiting for him. Yeah, I know...trust me.

They do like him though that's for sure. Dad will mope
around the house for a day or two if he sees Jeremy and
they don't get to say hi to one another. Sometimes he
mopes around the house because we didn't come in and watch
a movie with him (he loves that.) At least once a day one
or both of my parents will tell me to say hi to Jeremy for
them. My mom just beams when she tells people about
him...it's almost a glow. She just thinks he's the
greatest thing in the world. When I'm away at college they
ask about Jeremy before they ask about me...or if I've been
talking to or if I am talkign to Jeremy then always
followed by "Well tell him I said hi!"

I just wish his parents did the whole "You should spend
more time with her...she's a good one...do something
nice...don't let her get away" approach rather than the
we're going to get you home at 1 AM on the weekends and we
encourage you and Vanessa to spend time with each other but
we want you to be back by 3 AM or there will be hell to
pay.

And I wish Jeremy would take a stand against them. But I
know he's right. It would just make things harder on him
which is the last thing I want. Though I do believe that
if he stood up for himself more on other issues they'd
listen to him a bit...not at first but eventually. And if
they don't I'm sure he'll remember all of this when he
moves out on his own and I'm sure it'll come back to haunt
them one way or another. And they deserve everything that
comes to them for the way they've treated him and the way
they've treated me the whole time I've been with him.

Heather finally made it over today. She ended up staying
the night at her mom's house because the truck broke down.
They got it fixed this morning and she buzzed on by here
for a while. She had Hailey and the kids with her.

Heather's kids are so cute! They're a handfull though.
Hailey didn't have her daughter with her which I thought
was rather sad. Three years and I have yet to see
her. ...But she moves around so much that it's hard to
keep a phone number or contact information.

I heard that her and her boyfriend split up. I asked if
she had met anyone new and she said no. I asked if the
father was still around in the baby's life and she said
no. She didn't go into details but she said that he has
been "messing around" with her daughter so she kicked him
out and child protective services were called.

I knew Hailey smoked pot. Pretty much all of my family
does or did at one point or another. She said she had been
drug free for 30 days and I said that I was proud of her.
Heather informed me later that Hailey had been addicted to
meth for two years and was in the hospital for a while and
almost died because her body had been deteriorating so
quickly. I guess THAT is why she had been drug free for 30
days...and not because of the child protection services
thing. I had no idea. ...But when you date a drug dealer
for 7 years you're bound to experiment with things that you
shouldn't... It's just sad though.

I knew something was a little off about Hailey. She
looked...older...tired...something I couldn't quite put my
finger on. I figured it was just the strain of having a
three year old daughter on top of the stress of the baby's
father being a molester. That's enough to put a few years
on anyone. I had no idea.

You could tell that dad enjoyed having children around the
house. He's pretty alright with other people's children as
long as they're being good. He can be a scrooge when they
start acting up or doing things like crying. It's kind of
like him and movies that he claims not to like but really
does. He was making faces at Hauna and smiling at her and
waving and playing games...tell me he didn't like that.

I even said something about it and he was like "Bah humbug"
about it. It made me laugh and I pointed out that dad was
flirting with a 1 year old baby. He's like "I'm doing this
so she won't cry...I'm rather tall you know." lol,
riiiight.

I made a joking comment about how he's going to enjoy
having grandchildren around the house and he's like "You
better not!" I know what he means to say is that it's a
bit early for that yet...still need to get a college
degree, get an engagement ring, a house, marriage...and all
of the rest of that. Then he was like "One of the first
things Jeremy is going to move is the tree house." I
said "The tree house?" He said "You don't expect to bring
your children over here to play do you...geez!" but you
could tell he liked the idea even though he was trying to
make it clear that I shouldn't be thinking about that so
soon. It was cute.

Though I think the only one who's not going to like
children around the house is Clive. Children scare
him...especially when they run after him screaming and
laughing because they want to hug him and pet him and
squeeze him and kiss him and call him George. And you
know...I can't blame him for that. Briana and Elijah were
quite mean to him when he was a baby kitten. To their
defense all children are like that when they get excited
about an animal....you have to remind them to calm down and
be gentle at times.

I'm still not tired though I know I should get to bed.
Blah. At least I have the bear to keep me company. It's
not the same... God I miss Jeremy.




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