*~*Silent Tears*~*

~*~SINKING AND FALLING*~*
2005-05-23 15:19:33 (UTC)

Back again

Part two if the most likely to be many discussions about
my problems took place with my parents last night. A talk
for "a few minutes" took an hour and a half, don't you
just love it wheb that happens. They decided that I do
indeed have problems (go figure) and they want to serve as
pyscologist-like people for me, which needless to say is
not my preference or desire. I am confusing myself at
this point and the last think I want is to try and explain
my confusion to someone else who I have to see everyday,
and who is aready convinced that they know me, when they
really don't. So basically I don't want to talk to them
but I am being given no choice, besides verbal silence in
its own which provided futile in its effectiveness last
year. Angain I turn my back and they whisper in tones,
sure that I can turn a deaf ear and not listen, but they
are much mistaken in that matter. I am sure I am being
overly critical, but that matters very little to be at
this point. They were never here for me bofore through
any of it, and now they decide that they want to care, its
disgusting really. They can justify turning a blind eye
to it all before now, and now the decide to talk notice,
when I want they to do away. They are making things he**
right now, they really are. Our communication has never
truly been truthful opn either side, and I think we both
know it, however not is not an appropriate time to reset
those severed ties. I know I am not ready, and they still
look at me like a monster, so that shows their readiness
as well. I want to go away for a while, and let people
cool off, and then maybe things will get better, but no, I
can't. Time will go on, and people will still alienate me
until I can prove them why they shouldn't, but how do I do
that? I don't know. I am so sick of all of this, it is
just driving me crazy. They want answers and I can't give
any. I will not they them play pyscologist, not now, not
after all of this. They grill me about my personal life,
and they expect me to answer, but they have not right to
know that stuff, and I have no desire to share it, non at
all. I don't feel confortable around them, I really
don't. I just want to be left alone, and yet alone is the
worst place for me to be. I am just stuck in this he**
with little hope of getting out soon. I know people have
faith in me that I can do this, and that is great, but I
don't know how and I don't know where to turn now. I just
don't. I feel so isolated and yet so focus upon at the
same time, why does it work that way, why. I just don't
know where to turn, how to more on, to more forward, I
don't know.

-*~*Silent Tears*~*




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