daddy's little time bomb
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2005-05-20 21:13:37 (UTC)


I am chuttles. thats my nick name but most people still
call me sara. i could really care less about that though.
Im a normal person. i have friends and i lose them. i cry
and i get over it. im happy im sad. im everything and
I dont know how to make myself happy. but i dont depend on
anyone else to either. I would just asume break my back for
people i love, for one smile. even if it makes me feel like
shit. cuz eventually blood will dry and cuts will heal and
i can look at the situation and say, i did it cuz i loved
them despite MY personal situation.which makes me feel
proud of myself. and proud is a good enough feeling to
cover up my shitty mood. I love my friends with all my
heart. but to be quite honest i could care less about every
last person i dont know. they can all just fuck off and
die. and frankly, it would benefit me greatly.happy happy
Lately i lock myself away in my room with a bag full of
rented movies that i probably wont return and waiste my day
away watching them. its not like i pretend to be the
character and feel what they feel cuz i think its a waiste
of time. eventually the movie will end and you are back in
your own world in the same room, with the same clothes on.
with the same dreadful feeling. so get used to it.
and i swear to go if i have to watch shrek 2 again ill
slit someones throat and make them talk through it. wow i
just made that up. clever... im really not this negative at
all in real life. but im stuck in idaho so i think you will
all understand why i seem so bitchy. But back in Utah i
have a ton of fun just hanging around with peopel. all my
friends and i are really close which is good. having
comfort and what-not. they mean so much. my friends happy
make me happy. and i have some of the greates most
hilarious friends ever.
im not good at talking about myself.
i like the color black dark red and deep purple..I love to
drive just because it gives me a reason to listen to music
and do nothing but that. i love to sing my lungs out even
though i am horrible. ALSO!!!!! i wont sing at all if i am
not comfortable around the person i am with. like i can
sing around mandy and krista as loud as i want. but other
people its really hard. lol i dont know why. probably cuz i
suck shit and they would tell me and make me embarrased.
I would really like to mean the world to someone but i
dont and im ok with that. it isnt a big deal lol.
i think sex is stupid and disgusting. and a waiste of time.
it doesnt prove anything. it doesnt shopw love for someone
or that you care about them. sex is closer to betrayel and
hate than any of that other stuff ever could be in my eyes.
I also thinks its a good way to get yourself in a lot of
trouble wow i sound like a mom. i know that. but It
seriosuly makes me sick to my stomach i could take it or
leave it.
My view on drugs: i think drugs are a waiste all together.
people who do them are weak. yes thats right. weak. i have
no pitty for people who do them. also i have no time energy
or use for someone who is a fucking junkie. Ive delt with
enough of them to learn that they never change. bahaha. i
dont need them despite the fact of them needing me. but i
am not some straight edge wanna be hard core loser. gahh i
hate everyone unless ur perfect. pretty much stole that
from an alanis moressette cd. OOPS!
i swear everytime i look pretty and wear cute makeup i
cry and it runs all over my face. GRR! and yea so maybe i
should stop wearing makeup...but i like it hehe oh yes i do.

k im done

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