BB

Helpless mosochistic love
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2005-05-19 05:04:43 (UTC)

NO FREEDOM+DEPRESSION=THE NEED TO DIE!!!!

I dont know what came over me. But I wanted to go to fain
park with Brandon and Steve. Like all the other times my mom
said no. I walked out pissed and sad. Crying, we can never
do anything. I HATE THIS!!! I want to die. I ran out of the
house. Got home at 930 pm. But I did something I never
thought I'd do. I took a pen and stabbed myself. I stopped
before it cut through my skin. Why am I like this? Why do I
want to die? The only good thing in my life is Brandon and
GG.But I can never do what everyone else does. Im like a
five year old. I love Brandon, cant believe I almost cut
myself again. He would have been so pissed. I dont want to
anger him. I LOVE HIM!!! Why is it everyone thinks I
shouldnt go out with him? Is it that they think I'm not
supposed to be happy? That they want me to commit suicide?
All I want is to be near Brandon. Everyone disagrees and
thinks its a bad choice. I HATE THAT STUPID BITCH CALLED
MOTHER!!!I HOPE SHE FUCKING ROTS IN HELL!!Cant believe it...
im back at square one. Except Brandons there this time and I
still have GG. I never want to cut again, I never EVER want
to have another sharp object touch my skin. As long as I
have Brandon I dont want to die. But If I loose him I will
die. I keep thinking, if we brake up I will take a gun or
knife to my heart. Why cant my mom understand, shes suck a
fuckin fat ass BITCH!!! I hope she burns in hell...Someone
please help me, I dont want to start cutting again.
Your helpless masochistic love
BB


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