Completely Incomplete

Letting Go Is All I've Held Onto
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2005-05-17 19:27:29 (UTC)

Oh my fucking god ....

He IS alive. I just got an email. From kade. After 15
days.
This doesnt change much, yet it changes alot. Im still
just another stupid kid, I still dont want to live. I
still have no desire to be here.
But ... he was one of the ONLY people. The only one who
didnt guilt trip me. The only one who understood. The ONLY
one. Everyone else guilt tripped me.
I ... I cant beleive he's alive. I gave up hope, which I
am ashamed of.
But like I said ... I cant take back the past, all I can
do is work to make a better future.
I ... I cant believe I gave up like that.
This only solves one of the problems. Ill get to talk to
him again ... yes ... but I still dont wanna live. I dont
want to be here, the world is cruel, whats the sense of
getting hurt over and over until pain is numb and you cant
feel it anymore? Whats the sense...

LOST
You greive with tears
I greive with blood

This is on my leg, somewhat permanently. LOST is imprinted
on my upper thight, on the front of my leg. The other bi
is writting in pen.
My prayer came true. I prayed he'd be okay. I fucking
prayed. And ... my wish was granted.
My wishes seem to get granted, if they are desprate. Its
sort of ... fate I guess.
But ... I cant believe he's back.


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