nin137

Nick's Journal
2005-05-16 23:39:20 (UTC)

Ray-ray the love machine

about 2 months ago we had a new administrative assistant
join our "team" at the law firm. he's this 40 year old
black guy who goes by the name of ray. although he always
refers to himself (atleast on the telephone while talking to
his wife) as "ray-ray the love machine". ray fulfills every
stereotype you could possibly think of that pertains to a
black male. at first i was so blown away by him that i
wanted to just write an entry detailing every single thing
he did, but then i thought, no nick...wait, maybe it's just
an anomaly. 2 months later and ray is still knockin' down
every stereotype of the black male.
he's always eating popeye's chicken (which smells better
than ANYTHING in the world). however, when i pointed out to
him that it must be the best fried chicken on earth, he
said, in the same tone that rappers use when they're
thanking the lord almighty,
"nawh nick. truff is, ain't no body make fried chicken like
mah mama."
this was a 40 year old man. it was the first stereotype.
the second one of course is the one that i don't really like
to put in print, but i promise that this is all nothing but
the observations that i've made over the past two months,
absolutely no embellishment or bullshitting. ray doesn't
like to work too hard. specifically he doesn't like to work
at all. i'd say on an average day he does about 20 mins of
work. the one day he actually had a boatload of work he
ducked out early. he had to rearrange the office an carry
the computers around. he carried one dell machine up the
stairs. damn near dropped it on my foot and said,
"damn nick...yo i been workin' too hard man."
"you've carried one computer up the stairs."
"yeah but man them shits heavy! ima be headin' out early today."
"ray, it's 10:15, you've been here for an hour and 15 minutes."
"nawh man, i been here since 7."
"ray i was sitting at your desk setting up your outlook
account at 8:45 this morning, you weren't here."
"i was outside."
then we stared at each other for a second and looked away.
he left at 2 that day.
now you may be asking yourself,
"how does he stay at this firm if he doesn't really work?"
how indeed. well you see this is where ray's third
stereotype of the black male comes into full effect. he is
a sexist womanizer. i'd say that he views women as capable
of doing something right as i view a jew's capability of not
going crazy at a dollar store. he's demeaning (he always
takes reams of papers from any of the women in the office
insinuating that they are too heavy for the girls), he's
openly womanizing, constantly calling all the women in the
office either, 'honey', 'sugah', or 'sweetie'. in fact...i
dont' think he's used one of their names yet.
point is. the women love it...well atleast all but one do.
they giggle like pot heads and ooh and aahh, and feign and
moan embarrassement, i'm assuming that the fact that another
man (black at that) pays them compliments (no matter how
lascivious) is just too much for them at their mid-life stage.
in short, i really like ray. he's funny as shit, he's
really kind, and more than that...he's my black friend. we
play chess during lunch, we talk about sports all the time,
and the other day he paid me the biggest compliment ever.
he said the reason he stayed at the firm was because he
thought i was funny as shit.
i have finally detailed ray-ray the love machine in all of
his stereotypical glory. i am happy to have done so, that i
now have a background description of the man that makes
every day of my work-life an unexpected adventure.




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