.::Nymph of the Sea::.

The Life of a Female Scorpio
2005-05-14 15:05:34 (UTC)

For People with a Sense of Humour

THE CREATION

Narrator: In the beginning, there was no earth - just an
empty space. Wait…so that must mean…yes, just as I thought…
um, excuse me, but how come is it that I’m alive?

God: Oh carry on please. Pretend I created you or something

Narrator: OK, then. Fine. And God said:

God: Let there be light!

Narrator: And God saw that it was good and separated light
from darkness.

God: (to light) You shall be called day; (to darkness) you
shall be called night.

Narrator: And from then on there was morning and evening
and the first day passed away. The next day:

God: Waters, divide into two! (to upper water) You shall
be called heaven. (to lower) I don’t have a name for you
yet.

Narrator: And God saw that it was good. Evening and
morning came, and with them the third day.

God: (to lower waters) Come together and let dry land -
which I shall call earth - appear! Waters, you shall be
called ‘seas’.

Narrator: God saw that it was good and carried on:

God: Earth, produce vegetation!

Narrator: Yeah!! Food!! Anyway, the earth produced
vegetation and God saw that it was good. The fourth day:

God: Let there be lights to divide day and night. (to one
separation) This is for day; (to the other) this is for
night.

Narrator: Hey! Those aren’t equal.

God: How do you expect to sleep with half of the amount I
had before?

Narrator: But how do you know about sleep if you haven’t
created animals yet?

God: How many times do I have to tell you? God thinks of
everything, including the future. Carry on…

Narrator: Whatever. And God saw that it was good. Evening
and morning came again and so did the fifth day.

God: Let the waters be filled with living creatures and
let birds fill the air. (to animals) Go and multiply, for
you are blessed.

Narrator: And God saw that it was good, blah, blah, blah.
And along came the sixth day.

God: Earth, produce every kind of living creature
in its own species.

Narrator: And so it was. And now for the best creation!

God: Yeah, right.

Narrator: So why are you going to create them then?

God: Who’s going to write my Bible? And anyway,
life wouldn’t be half as interesting.

Narrator: Oh. So, God created man in the image of
himself. And He saw that it was good. And…

God: Sabbath Day at last. Today shall be the day
of rest. Boy was that tiring.

Narrator: Thank God!

God: You’re welcome.

Narrator: This is the end, right?

God: You wish.

Narrator: Oh great. Take a deep breath. I can do this. I
can totally do this.

God: That’s the spirit.

Narrator: So, anyway, Yahweh -

God: That would be me

Narrator: Yes, I know. Yahweh planted a garden in Eden,
from which grew every kind of tree, delicious to look at
and also to eat.

God: Adam, you have every tree in this garden to eat from,
except for the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. As
soon as you eat that, you will be doomed to die.

Adam: Why? It looks perfectly safe to me.

God: None of your business.

Adam: O.K. then. Except that, I cannot manage this
huge garden on my own.

God: Very well. You shall choose a helper. Come
and see all the animals. And while you’re at it, give them
names too.

Adam: Cool.

Narrator: So God took Adam to see the animals. Adam gave
names to the creatures on earth, air and sea, but Adam did
not find one suitable enough to be his helper.

God: Hhmm…Adam, fall into a deep sleep!

Adam: How……………….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Narrator: God took one of Adam’s ribs -

Adam: (flinches)

Narrator: …ribs to make a creature resembling man. Except
that the creature was female. And much more attractive.
And Adam woke up.

Eve: Yes. Hi, I’m Eve.

Adam: Oh, er, hi. I’m Adam.

Narrator: The snake was the most subtle of the creatures.

Snake: Did God really say that you were not to eat
from any of the trees in the garden?

Eve: We can eat from all of them except from the
one in the middle of the
garden.

Snake: Oh, is that so?

Eve: Yes, we cannot eat or touch the fruit of
that tree, under the pain of
death.

Snake: You will not die! In fact, the day you eat
that fruit you will be like gods, knowing good and evil.

Eve: Have you eaten some of this by any chance?
Guilty silence.
Oh well, it looks good. Here goes…

Narrator: Eve ate some of the fruit, and after gave some
to Adam. They immediately
realised that they were naked, so sewed some fig leaves
together to make themselves clothes.

Adam: I heard that God is coming here.

Eve: What?! We must hide! Up this tree! Quick!

God: Adam! Where are you?

Adam: Up a tree!

God: Why?

Adam: Well, I was afraid you’d see me naked.

God: Who told you that you were naked? Have you
been eating the Forbidden Fruit?

Adam: She started it.

Eve: It wasn’t me, the snake tempted me.

Narrator: God said to the snake:

God: For having tempted the woman, you will have to
move on your belly.

Narrator: To the woman:

God: You will have intense pain in child-bearing, and
your husband shalldominate you.

Narrator: To the man:

God: You will have to work to get your nutrition.
Now that you have eaten the fruit of knowledge, you must
not eat the fruit of life, so that you may not live
forever.

Narrator: And so God banished Adam and Eve from the
Garden of Eden. Infront of the Garden of Eden he posted
great winged creatures to guard Eden.

[I did this on my own] [Pinky Swear]

Daila




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