Autum's Leaves
2005-05-10 03:10:22 (UTC)

Useless Follow Up

So...not because I want to think about it, but because I
feel like I need to keep reminding myself of what I did,
because of how stupid I was...I told the guy that maybe he
needed to find someone that was more into it, and when he
said no, I said that I needed to find someone that was
less into it.

It's been my second one night stand, and I'm regretting
it just as much as the first. I only hope this one won't
take as long for me to live down, or forget.

The ex is giving me a hard time about it, but he also
knows that it was really tramatic for me and he's never
mean about it. ...I guess it's like the last time I did
something bad...he reminded me about it until we'd both
lived it down. I just appreciate that at least he knows
when to stop now. I told him I hated him, just kidding
really, and he looked at me and said, like we always, do
Why? You're my buddy... in that cute way he always does,
in that way that we talk to each other when we really try
to be cute and adorable and it always works.

I just hope that....I don't know. I had a panic attack
last night when the guy was talking to me. I started
crying and I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to see
him again, didn't want to talk to him again...just didn't
want anything. All I could do was shake my head and cry
and it was awful...none of my friends know that happened,
my Ex just knows that I almost had a panic attack last
night when the guy talked to me.

Those memories that haunt us teach us a lesson, but
they will always haunt us.