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2005-05-09 15:15:31 (UTC)

I'm Back!!!

I'm back from vacation. It was so nice. I really didn't
want to leave but real life calls. Oh well....My daughter
really enjoyed it. She loved the beach and playing in the
ocean. I hope we can go back soon. Of course I was right
about my husband being in a bad mood when we got back home.
He seems worse then he was before. I can't stand it
sometimes. I want to make him happy but it seems like I
can't do anything to make him happy. I find myself more
depressed too since we got back. Yesterday I cried in the
shower. I got to thinking about what I would do if he
pulled something like he did before or actually left me for
another women. I couldn't help but cry. It was Mother's Day
and I couldn't even be happy that day. Why can't I let this
go? When will I be completely happy again? My husband
started to talk about the business again. He's wondering
how he's going to make time for it. I wonder where is the
money going to come from. I'm scared of what he might do if
he can't start a business. I'm willing to do anything to
make him happy. Just as long as we're not living out on the
streets. I feel like I can't be happy unless he is. What if
he never is? Am I suppose to be miserable the rest of my
life because he is? I wish I could go back and do things
differently. But then again I could almost bet that if we
had waited to have kids that our marriage wouldn't have
lasted long. One of us would have probably given up. I
guess that means we're together because of the kids. I
don't know. All I know is right now and from now on, I want
to be his wife. I want to love him til the day I die. I
want us to be happy healthy and love each other the way we
both deserve to be. I want our kids to see what it is to be
a family. Full of love and understanding. Never doubting
and knowing that you can count on each other. Is that too
much to ask? Well I'm done for today. Hopefully my husband
will come home in a good mood and we'll see if we can be