Charles Deason

My Blue Sky
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2005-05-08 03:51:33 (UTC)

Lonely...

I feel so lonely right now and its just something I've
been going through lately. I don't know what to do
anymore... I can't seem to find anything that would make me
happy like before. I talked to Martha just a little while
ago but... I just don't know. :( I was really happy talking
to her, I usually always am.
I guess a lot of stress is pushing me down or
something... I just want to be with someone. I want someone
I can hold and love so I won't be alone anymore. I only ate
once today too. But it was only because I thought food
would help me feel better. I had two slices of pizza but it
didn't help at all really.
No one came online today either... its so strange. It
makes me feel even worse, like I'm the only one feeling
this way right now. I wonder if Martha really loves me? I
asked her that on the phone, and she said I love you. She
also asked me when I was comming too, but I told her you
know... I'm not really sure. But I won't go unless she
really does love me... I'm so tired of getting hurt all the
time.
I wish she would write me or something. I don't know,
I guess I just better get her package together and send it
before its too late at least. Ugh, I've been thinking too
much lately I think... Ah, well more patience I suppose.
But I cannot wait too long. Maybe I should plan more on
this whole thing. I should decide whether to drive, take a
bus, or a plane. Tomorrow I should give her a an exact date
that I will come... no more putting it off.
Martha makes me happy, and well I think I can make her
happy. I need to hurry up and put my past behind me and
move on. I can replace those painful memories with happy
ones, and actually pursue my dreams with someone I feel
close to. All I needed was just a bit more time I
suppose... until then I need to try to relax a bit. Well bye


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