Charles Deason

My Blue Sky
2005-05-05 23:45:43 (UTC)

With Martha

Man I woke up today, and one memory led to one emotion
after another. I let the pain hurt me again thinking about
the past with Astrid. I can't stand it... I hate this
feeling more than anything else I can think of. :( It just
comes and goes. And when I feel it in my heart, I want to
take my own life, or do something fatal to get away from it
But then the higher power eventually somehow gives me
the strength I need to overcome the pain. It feels like I
lost a lot more than I gained because of that girl you
know? Damn I feel like crying again... Why must I still
feel this way today after so long? Anyways, I don't want to
talk about my past anymore. Its not something I want to
come back to and remember anytime soon.
Martha and I are getting along just fine of course. I
really miss her, and I wish I could talk with her more
often. But as things are now, it will take time. I guess I
could say that I really like her... shes been there for me
even when I told her that Astrid might be my soul mate,
and that time when I said I wanted to marry Astrid.
I cannot imagine all of the things she has gone
through, and how she has felt all this time. If I do fall
deeply in love with her, I pray that she will love and
believe in me just as much as I love and have faith in her
too. She makes me happy whenever I hear her voice, or when
she writes to me. She with all of her care for me, deserves
to meet me in person soon someday. Alright thats all for
today, I'll write again whenever.