Autum's Leaves
2005-05-05 21:16:08 (UTC)

So Much for the Afterglow

Ah those days after those days when you're happy.

It really started after school was over. I'd taken my
AP test and come back to school. I saw my ex and started
talking to him and we were just having fun until we were
talking to another chick who brought up my ex's ex before
me. She was a sociopath. I mean, the girl was insane. She
tried to kill herself at my ex's house and did the worst
stuff imaginable to him. It was awful. Then I hear she's
back in town and he saw her at a party...which made me
sad. Why is it that some scars never really seem to heal?
It's like a papercut that scabs over, then you stretch
your hand and it has to heal all over again.

I got really sad today and had to sit in my car and
make myself think things through. I still care about my
ex, I mean, I don't want to date him, but I don't want him
to do anything stupid. This girl just hurt him so bad
before. The Ex and I hurt each other, but not anywhere
near as bad as she was.

I have to keep reminding myself that when I'm sad, or
when I hurt or anything else, it's a feeling, it's living
and that is better than not. I suppose I'd want to keep
living, to keep trying even when things got unbearable.
That's our purpose after all, to live and feel and be.

There's a lot of things I wish were different, people I
wish I knew, people I wish I'd never met, but I guess I
can always say that there's a light in every situation.
Always a way out.

I just can't figure out how to get there.