Lost_cold_alone

Flying on broken wings
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2005-05-04 22:02:01 (UTC)

A false hope

Dear diary,

I live my life, as it comes and goes. I watch the wind,
and the trees.. I wait for my time to come, and I wait just
that much longer till I can fly. Yet I have moved from
house to house, in endless pain. I have said goodbye to
many times, and I have said Hello times than I can count.
My name is Angela, or so they call me. When I was adopted I
lost my real name, for this family I live with... couldn't
even say my name... My real mother didn't want me, left me
on a doorstep, crying and weeping, and alone. For three
days I cried, just stuck on that doorstep... Yet heard me,
I should be dead. I was not even one, and here comes my
second family. Second... I don't even know who my father
is, what he looks like, his name. Nothing, I have nothing
left from them. She wouldn't even come to say goodbye, to
sign the papers in the cort room... I know that my mother
wanted the best for me, thus I don't hate her. I know that
my father had no word say, thus, I don't hate him either.
This is my life... I don't want pitty, I don't care. I want
to help, and yet I fall in love. For that I have cried so
many times, I do not wish to end up like my mother. I guess
that is why, on guys and girls.. from this day on... I give
up on. I don't want anyone, I want to be alone. I am not
virgan, let alone can I spell it... I lost it to a guy...
that all I know about is his name. Alex, he stole it from
me... it hurt so bad. I was bleeding... and I was crying, I
couldn't tell anyone, I just wanted to die, and rot in my
room. I just ran home, and cried, I have lost everything
that is dear to me. Yet I keep letting my heart fall in
love with people, and I keep crying. Over Kevi I cried for
3 days non stop... For others, I cries just the same... for
this girl I just met... for whose name I know not... I cry
now, and for once, I really don't care who sees me. My life
is not hell, my life is how life is... A hell of a life...
would be if you lost your son, you lost your home.. or you
never had one. If you were so poor, you couldn't even save
up for a home... or even food for the children that you see
without families... That is hell, to see... to know, and
not be able to do anything.

For as far as love goes, I wish everyone the best of
luck... Just count me out this time, for I am not going to
be the fool, I will be the one who lives alone, and finally
happy.

-Amy -5:02PM


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