2005-05-04 20:18:44 (UTC)

Last of Jamie

I'm going to attempt to make this my last entree about
Jamie. At first I thought to simply stop writing to you
(since I only started because I had to talk to someone
about Jamie), but that's unfair. Life isn't about Jamie.
I just don't know what on earth to write about now.
Nothing seems all that exciting. Anyhow, here's the end
of it (not here...but end of this entree).

Jamie and Nadia had sex. Yuck. Ewww. Ok, it's not that
gross but it's a disturbing thought...especially since I'M
CRAZY ABOUT HIM. I guess it's only fair since she and he
are both single and I'm attached. Josh told me this last
night. It happened this past weekend while I was at
Jazzfest. I doubt they'll become an item- but I really
don't think anything could possibly happen between us
anymore. She done pissed on her territory. Besides, Josh
also told me that Jamie's going back to the
Chattanoogean. They offered him more money and hours. I
guess it's for the best- it's hard for me to be friends
with him and feel the way I do about him. I'm tired of
hiding it- and without him around I won't have to
anymore. I got over Jared (somewhat- although I still
think about him)..I can get over almost anybody. We never
even became close friends or had any really deep
conversations...he was just the type of guy I like and we
had a bunch in common. He never showed any interest in
me, and that turns me off. If a guy doesn't think I'm the
shit- I tend to lose interest. I guess I just wish I
could have had another fling with someone I'm truly
interested in. Something to add just a little excitement
and drama in my humbug life. I'm sure I'll get my drama
and excitement someday soon- I am Miss. Drama Queen,
afterall. It just can't escape me.

Jazzfest was wonderful. Dave and Panic kicked major ass
and Bourbon Street was awesome as always. It got pretty
crowded and people got mean (don't walk over our "space"!
You can't get through here!) but the food was great and
overall it was a nice trip. There were so many hippies!
So many potheads! A dream come true. I'd love to make it
to Banarroo (Jamie will be there...) but it's too
expensive and I'd have to take a week off work. Maybe
next year. I'm going to try to make it to another Dave
concert (Nash or Atlanta) this summer.

So no more Jamie. I hate that idea...but people come and
go (especially crushes) and someone else will show up
eventually. Am I a terrible person? I have a boyfriend-
but we've been together 5 years- it's gettin' kind of
boring. I don't want to break up necessarily...but
hidden, secret fun just doesn't seem that bad to me. If
he were to do that to me I'd FREAK- I'm way jealous- but-
but- I can't help myself. It's not like a cheat on him
all the time. The last time I had sex with someone else
was a couple summers back when Michael McDonald (who's now
engaged) took me up to his parent's house on the Ridge
(lovely home btw), put on 80s music and romanced (?) me.
I was drunk and on Aderol. He had a small penis so it
wasn't all I thought it would be. Also, he was way
cheesy. Michael and I had a very short fling- we went out
for lunch together a few times (it was odd and
uncomfortable) and he'd always ask me out at Highlands
whenever Jt wasn't around. I'm glad he's engaged. He's
30 and needed to settle down.

Then last summer Jody Dunnigan and I had a fling. We'd go
out with friends, get shitty drunk and end up making out.
One night in Knoxville we went a little further and fooled
around under sheets of a bed in a hotel we were staying at
with some friends (they were passed out). We'd go out for
lunch, get drunk and fool around, too....but that got old
quick. I really liked him there for a while (he once
started as a crush much like Jamie) but then the fire died
down..much like in my current relationship. He still
adores me and feels the same way he always did- last time
he was up here he asked if there was ever even a small
chance we'd one day hook up (relationship wise)- and I
simply told him "who knows what the future holds" when I
really meant "no". He gets on my nerves. I guess most
guys who drool over me, think the world of me and blah
blah BORE ME. Jt...Josh Murray (who confessed his
feelings a week or two ago)...Phillip Hester...Jody...the
list goes on. I wonder if Jamie were to ever tell me he
had feelings for me I would start to blow him off and
become uninterested? Hmmm. I wish I could find out.

The mother fucker is even moving. He got evicted from his
house- so who knows where the fuck he'll end up. I'm sure
Nadia and him will keep in touch. Yippee. I had so much
fun with him on Tiffany's birthday. I really miss that
night. Tiffany's birthday always kicks ass- last year
that's when Jody and I kissed for the first time and
started to hang out. Why can't I ever have cool ass
birthdays? I guess because I never plan them. Nadia
rented out Amigos on Friday night for her big ass
celebration. I guess I'll go. I wasn't planning on it
after Josh told me about them fucking last night- but what
the hell. There'll be bar specials and I'm broke. I
wonder if Jamie will be there? LISTEN TO ME! I need to
stop that. I need to stop getting my hopes up. Hmm...but
maybe I'll meet someone equally as interesting and
cool...who knows. There are so many unexpected surprises
in life. Makes life both good and bad. Embrace the


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