Everyone has a clown watching them
when i was 11 years old i had a friend named sean. sean was
a great friend and i absoluetly loved hanging out at his
place, we would do all the things that made young uns like
us happy, such as watching movies we weren't allowed to
(like faces of death) and playing video games we were
forbidden to play (like mortal kombat). we would hang out in
his room (which was also this very awesome attic and just
indulge in our sins to our hearts content. one evening we
were home alone watching another morbid faces of death,
indulging in oreos and the wide screen tv that we were
privileged to use when his parents were out on the town. we
were at that state (around 10 pm) where we were getting
quite un-nerved by the uncanny brutality of the human race
but boasted to each other that this drivel had no effect on
us. all of a sudden we noticed movement out by his
driveway, the floodlight that had the motion sensor, turned
on and in the middle of his driveway, stumbling towards the
large window which displayed the family room to the world,
was a clown.
the clown staggered towards the window which was now a
showcase of two pre-teen boys gaping in absolute horror at
the scene evolving in front of their eyes. the clown
stopped short of the window, put his hand up against the
glass to shield his eyes, and start yelling something.
it sounded like,
i still remember the crazy physiological change in my body.
my organs dropped to my sphincter and my hairs stood on end
with my whole body icing over in a cold sweat. the effect
of 3 hours of gratuituous and wanton violence coupled with a
man dressed in a clown suit banging on the window did enough
to almost kill me mentally. sean got the phone and called 911.
the reaction was predictable,
"you kids had better stop these prank calls!"
a clown lingering outside of your window, give me a fucking
meanwhile sean and i sat there in utter stupified horror
gazing out at the supposedly sanguine symbol of fun staring
back at us with a glazed look on his face. finally we
called a neighbor who convinced the local precinct that
there was indeed a drunk clown skirting the suburbs in some
sort of sordid prowl.
it had turned out that the man had been commissioned for a
gig at some fancy party, had gotten wasted, left, and then
tried to find his way back.
so if you ever have a clown gazing through your living room
window demanding to know whatshs fartah kindly beat the
living shit out of his drunken ass.