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2005-05-03 18:21:49 (UTC)


Time. What an interesting concept. it seems, the more
time goes by the more things change, but yet, it has only
chaged because ultimatly i have changed and am viewing
things differently.

things are..going to say the least.
Bryan has moved in with me now, we have a ferret and as
of yesterday, a new 52" hdtv.

the ferret is a girl, Trin. i named her, she steals my
stuff. hence Trinket.
i like to play with her, she hops all around.

school goes alright. although, its funny how i seem to get
myself into the same bind every time. 2 months left, only
8 weeks... 4 weeks a month and yet, im missing school like
crazy. my attention has wandered, as im finding school
irritatingly slow.
my science teacher wonders why i was put into sci 10.
although, my grades arnt what they used to be. 80s were
so grand at one time. but my mind has wandered.
I also havent broken the cycle of never having enough
money for food. last month, i didnt even have enuff money
for rent! i borrow from ym dad and bryan.

*sigh, this month i have rent money, although im 10
short. but still, not enough for food. i got my hair done
instead, you could say. .. i shouldnt have spent 100$ on
sex items.

but, i did work a few days at save-on-foods, which pulled
all of my time away, as i was working 3-11 almost
everyday. i didnt even have time to bath. my sence of
self is dwindling. i miss my rutine, so i quit. i just
havent told bryan yet. he asked yesterday, it was
stress. .........how does he know so much.
.. but i will have 100 at least coming in next friday, so
ill pick up some food. AND ONLY FOOD, !!! ill haveto
remind myself.. .. i bought the patch also, i hope to
quit, but its so hard with bryan smoking in the house.

My past fears are creeping up on me. they've started to
affect the way i act. it all goes back to.. my childhood
trama, lets call it.

how does one deal with these things? how can i just be
rid of them? cognitive thinking, i spose, i need to keep
an eye..uhm...ear..uhhmm.. i need to pay attention to
what im thiking, feeling and why. see if it all spawns
from there, which i alrdy know that most of it does. what
should i put in its place tho??

anyways, im off for now.