Let's see how long this lasts
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2005-05-02 20:49:25 (UTC)


so I got really irritated when this site was down and
created a livejournal but I don't really intend to use it
except to see other peoples friends entries. I'm really
tired right now. and a little confused. a little unsure.
feeling a little worthless... i dunno. I was proud of my
grades moderately because I expected much worse. I don't
regret what I've done, but have I made a mistake? If I
have only time will tell, who knows... just a little bleh.
I'm sad cause everyones leaving... I'll be leaving soon.
but what about the time before I leave. Will I just be
utterly alone in this city all by myself? It is nothing
with out friends. Friends who live here are probably sick
of me not that theyshould be. Whit hasn't been around at
all, but do I get on her nerves? I know I'm annoying,
bleh... I was so happy go lucky last week and it was fun,
but somethings edging on me... somethings boxing me inside
myself. I can't sleep, I'll get hungry, but not eat very
much.... it's so wasteful. I'm usually so good under
pressure. Ok so last time I ranted about Jacob, well at
least he said that he would never want to date me again.
Praise the Lord and thank you. That's a lot of pressure
off. I don't feel bad talking to him now. He told me alot
about this girl he likes, and we talked about Jon. "Don't
try to open my door with your skeleton key" I'm depressed,
but I fight it, so a lot of the time I'm not, or at least
don't appear to be. I did a lot yesterday. I don't know
if I should really say what is on my mind or not right
now. I'm foolish. I don't want to "ruin it" but a little
reassurance wouldn't hurt my confidence. "Sometimes I
wonder where you're coming from When you roll in like
thunder just to turn around and run" songs play over and
over. some songs how I feel, some that might be the
future...I won't discuss them now. Dude whit so said that
her parents would take me out to lunch today. I was
looking foward to spending time with them. I don't care
that there wasn't lunch. I just feel deserted... and
cheated out of a nap.

Final thought: Put down, pushed around, apprehended, and
led downtown, Can't help it if I'm full of fire.
But the one thing I know: that when I, I turn out the light,
Visions of you, dear, dance in the night.
I've been put down, pushed around, apprehended and led down
town.An' I can't help it if I'm out of sight,
'Cause I'm restless tonight.

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