My Aphrodisiac
2005-04-29 06:04:36 (UTC)

It's been a while...

What it is folks? Man, I dunno what the hell is wrong
with me as of lately. I been very uh...skeptical. Before
I talk about the bad, lemme tell you the good news!
Ok...niggaz did lowkey wait til' the last minute to find a
place to live over the summer, but I got me a place to
live ya'll! It's my homeboys threebedroom apt. and they
all leavin' so I'll have it all to myself. Well,
lightweight. Boo ass ain't gon' let me be there by myself.
Which is a good thing cuz I hate being by myself. So, it's
almost a must. But we'll talk more about his ass later.
Oh, and did I mention all I have to do is pay $650 for the
whole 3 months and the light bill? I'm the queen of
candles so it's nothin'! Ok...and I got me a job! Hey! Go
me! Go me! I'm a hostess at Chili's. Hey, you can pay me
$9 an hour to smile at mofo's and ask, "how many?". Ha!
So, I'll be working, and goin' to school over the summer.
A sista is trying to get the hell up outta here. Man, I'm
so tired of school I can't see str8. But I know it's all
worth it. I'm trying to be somebody one day. I need to
get to writin'. Like for serious. Over the summer I'll
be doing a lot of self reflecting, reading, writing,
working, and schooling. Saddly, but it's almost over.
After I get my masters that is. bad. I left and
just came back. No where was I? Oh, on to another
subject. Why can't I get me a thoughful nigga? A nigga
that ain't shame to show love? A nigga that do little
things just becuz? I mean, I'm a DAMN GOOD woman. I
deserve nothin' less than. Boo been slackin' on his game.
Hold up...was he ever really on it? Lightweight, but
still. I think I give that nigga too much credit. Cuz
uh...yeah, I think I do. I need to be taken out. I need to
be shown love. Not just SEX!!! But he do like givin' me
head. We was in the editing room the other night and he
told me he wanted me to be dinner. Nigga sat me on the
desk and went to work! I was cummin' back to back to back.
Ahhh...I love head. I ain't smoked in WEEKS! I been
lookin' for a job and stuff. I really haven't even had the
urge. Til' today. I need a drink or somethin'. Carter has
been on my mind today. Hmmm...I hope he ok. Damn, all
these years and he still be on the membrane. Saddest. I
been single for 2 years...No, Fred bitch ass still ain't
made me his chick! I think that's what bothers me most. It
seems as if he don't think I'm worthy enuff. What type of
shyt? Dammit I'm a Diva! So, I don't know what the fucc is
wrong with him. He stay in my face too. I dunno. I'm
gettin' sleepy. I wish I could smoke and go to sleep. Oh
well... I've given it up. For now...I think. I'm just
thinkin' about how different things are gonna be in like a
week. Everybody is leavin' me. All my NSE gyrls. I tell
ya'll I don't fucc with Nita no more? I think I'll write
her an email. Not tryin' to be her friend again, but just
to get some shyt off my chest. Like for serious. I
deleted her number and everything. And she change it so
much, I couldn't tell you what it was to save my life.
That's how real it is. It's old now, but I still got
somethangs to say. I think when I'm thru writin' in here
I'll do just that. I hate niggaz! Grrr...had to get that
out. Well, toodles. I gots ta' go. Peace.