daily self deceptions...
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2005-04-25 17:41:14 (UTC)

Tying open ends...

My birthday was this past weekend; God, I'm old. I'm in my
mid twenties now. It's sickening. What have I accomplished?
Nothing. I read some random diaries on here every now and
then and see these young girls writing about things and the
logical mothering side of me wants to be like "STOP! Don't
do it! etc etc" Then the realistic side of me always knows
that no matter what I nor anyone else says will really
change anything. People need to grow on their own. Your
only hope is maybe they'll hear what you say and remember
it, and learn something from it. Knowing they won't change
for anyone else but themselves. I only made the better
changes for my life about a year ago. I stopped doing all
the drugs, I only drink socially on occasions and I
purposely try to stay away from hard alcohol. I still have
and always will have my depression. It's hard to contain
sometimes but I've learned thru the years what to try to do
to help myself, without medication. The side effects for me
were not worth it. My past drug use has effected me
physically. My memory isn't what it used to be. I have
small gaps of my life which I can't remember. I don't
regret much of things that have happened in my life. I
don't regret doing drugs. I regret letting drugs run my
life. My drug use led me to now. Where I am a 'nothing'. I
want to put myself on a large billboard in front of a
highschool and be like , " look.. do you want to end up
like me? then lie..cheat.. steal.. sell yourself for drugs.
being worthless is the best thing in life" and hopefully
someone.. anyone.. will learn it's not worth it. And also
hopefully notice all the sarcasm.
I'm rambling. I hate when I ramble. Ugh.

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