Katie

Use Your Turn Signal
2005-04-25 05:22:16 (UTC)

i can't say

ever wonder why people so rarely talk about the things
which are most important to them, or which affect them
most? i think it's because many people realize that their
words could never do justice to life-changing events. i
feel myself change as a result of this action or this
adventure or this emotion, but i cannot find the words that
can make this change understandable to anyone but myself.
is it important to be understood in this transformation of
spirit? we tend to feel that our metamorphosis can only
become credible when it is recognized in the eyes of
others. i covet my change of spirit- it is what separates
me from those in need of constant affirmation that their
growth is permissible. and i realize that if i did try to
put it into words, the recognition of others would be false
because my words fall short, always. i can say that i have
been in love, but not one other person has known the
particular love that i knew, no matter how they nod their
head when i speak of it. it was the most beautiful thing in
the world, and yet i mar it just to put it in those terms.
to put it in this world is to taint it. i have seen
incredible beauty in the graciousness or humility of
others, but i was witness to only one action and my memory
is incompetent. why are we so contstrained by words? by
memory? by pictures? it nauseates me, knowing that i fail
myself in comprehension of this place. i don't need
understanding of others, but i do yearn for a certain
completion, a particular knowledge. i need to know that
these changes are leading me somewhere- i suppose i'm not
alone in that. ha, can you tell i've been reading my
philosophy textbooks lately?
-Katie-




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