Rico

My Gay Misadventures
2005-04-25 01:48:58 (UTC)

4 - 11 - 05

(4-11)

What a crazy turn of events...Its almost like God really is
tryin to tell me something...that he's a prick. and Im his
bitch. --- These past few days (almost 2 weeks now) of livin
in my new apt have had its ups and downs...mainly downs. I
almost have my DSL up, but SBC sent me a defective modem, so
now i have to wait forever and a day just to repair that lil
tid bit. Scarlet broke her leg in 4 places, and that bill is
ganna be 400 to fix...I spent all my savings on extra
bills...so im broke. Dad is getting worse. Yvette says he's
about as skinny as she is now (and she isnt much bigger then
me (me being 5'7 120lbs) Mom lost 500 bucks the other day,
and in she had it, then forgot where she put it. Today is
also her birthday, and she's ill with worry. Erik called
last night shitfaced and slipped out with some Info i didnt
need to know (being im not 'the only one' he's dateing right
now, and he is confused to see what he really wants right
now.) I was high when he told me, so the impact wasnt so
sever. So now im feeling akward about all this. I keep tryin
to smile....

Erik is supposed to take me to Boerne later on today to see
Dad. this will be the first time i see him since i found out
he had brain cancer. Im not sure how i will react. even so
when i see how he has dramaticly changed body wise. I know i
wont breakdown...but its hard to belive myself when i say it
outloud. I'v hated the man for so many years, and it seems
like overnight he's slipping away. I dont want any regrets,
so i have to see him. Today is ganna suck. I hope Erik
doesnt remember telling me what he told me last night...I
can easily choose to forget and give him doubt....but i dont
know if he'll change if he remembers....

Come to think of it...Im not even sure what I want. I want
change. thats for fuckin sure. I wanna hear good news for
once. I wanna be asked "How are you?" and not have to lie
about it. I wanna Bj. damnit.

Oh, fuck twats...Ima make me some good news. Well,
concidering i have a slightly faster computer now, I will
finaly be able to run a website again. So cool beans to that.

Ya know...Iv been So sexually frustrated lately. I mean,
Erik has supplied his man meat to me often, but it seems i
keep wanting to more even after we're done. I think im at
that age where if im not careful I will get sex crazed and
really fuck myself over in the end (no pun intended) but
yea...Its....Ya. Im becomeing such a perv. and I want the
real thing...I want a guy to lick my nuts and let me fuck
his face...then flip me around and drill me...(told ya ima
perv) --- Maybe this sex stuff is just my outlet for all the
fucked up shit thats goin on in my life...I should find
something more productive...like listen to those damn
Japanese cds i bought a few months ago...

In any case, I needa shower. (and JO)




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