Landslide

Let's see how long this lasts
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2005-04-23 17:36:08 (UTC)

Lonely

Why does everyone think my entire life revolves around
jon. I can't escape it. Yes, I care a lot about him, but
he is not the end all be all of my existance and its a good
thing he's not. Even he thinks that I peek out the window
at just the right time to catch him walk by. I swear on
the "e" key (and that's a very important key) that I look
out the window every time I brush my teeth. The other day
I yelled at Whitney from the bathroom window. I was not
waiting for your lovely self to walk by. I'm sorry that
every one thinks so. I'm sorry that I think about you a
little to often. Now,
on the other hand.
In speech class yesterday, I decided that this guy who sits
beside me was handsome. Unfortunately I waited until
there's only one class left and that's for our final, so
he'll never know. I'm just proud that I'm finally finding
other people attractive again. (Unlike the other guy that
I found attractive the other day, he does not favor jon at
all.) Go me!
I talked to Andrew for a long time the other night. I
never know what to believe from him. I often debate
whether the flirting he does with Whit and me and others is
all in fun of if he would act on it. I think he would act
on it, but I would like to think that he wouldn't. It
really bothers whit; i wish he wouldn't do that to her.
Anyway, he asked me if I remembered the first time we
kissed. and I did. He said that that was the most
gratifying kiss he had ever experienced, that it changed
him. That I changed him. I showed him that it was ok to
be himself, to be real. I dont' know what to think about
this considering he left me to the wind and went back to
ashley. but whatever. One thing I've learned about that
boy is take everything with a grain of salt because you
never know the real intention. In fact, later on msn he
asked me to compare my nipple size to a coin. What a
loser. Like I would ever tell him...
Oh, about thunder. I dont' know who I'm going with, how
I'm getting there. Nothing. Oh, and jon, I didn't mean to
imply that I expected you to go with me. In fact, I
expected you to go with brittany or tran or vern or jenvern
or your sister or somebody. I never expected you to go
with me. I hope that you have fun at prom this coming
weekend. I hope it makes up for the crappy experience you
had your senior year (as if you didn't have 3 or 4 other
proms before it) maybe I can live vicariously. I'll never
get my experience back. I couldn't even get someone to
take me to my own senior prom; I doubt I'll ever get asked
to go someone else's. So have fun for me too, that way
it'll be twice as fun.
Anyway, I'm in a crappy mood. I've been alone to long. I
get people deprived. What with rachel out of town and whit
house sitting, and no one hanging outside, and tons of work
to do. I'm just lonely. Forgive my cynicism.

Final thought: You think you know the smile on his lips,
the thrill and the touch of his fingertips, but I've forgot
more than you'll ever know about him. you think you'll
find heaven of bliss in each caress, in each tender kiss,
but I've forgot more than you'll ever know about him. You
stole his love from me one day. You didn't care how it
hurt me, but you can never steal away memories of what
used to be. You think he's yours to have and to hold, but
one day you'll learn when his love grows cold that I've
forgot more than you'll ever know about him. (my trio used
to sing this. gorgeous harmony to a forgotten song)


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