sxysqweekers

X is my secret.
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2005-04-22 23:43:55 (UTC)

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do, that pretty much sums it up. I
can't handle this. Every time it's the end of the semester
my family decides to fuck up my life. Now my family is
telling me that the finance place is going to take my car.
They're going to repo it. I mean, hello dad said he was
going to help me. I can start paying as of May, when I start
getting paychecks from my camp. But I don't start until May
13th, so I won't get any money until at least end of May. So
yeah, I need help during April and May.

I just wrote my dad a very mean email. I don't know what
else to do, he just isn't getting the point. He is never
there for me in any sense of anything. This is what I said,
I'll copy and paste.

Dad,

What the hell are you doing? I just don't get this. I know
for a fact that you have some money. I dunno how you're
doing it, or what you're telling Deb, but I need fucking
help. Hell I need a lot of things that I'm not getting from
any of you! And I'm pretty sure you don't give a shit what
the hell I'm talking about. So I'll do what you seem to
want! I'll leave you alone. I'll just stop bothering you
with this whole I'm your only daughter and I need help and
blah blah blah. Who am I kidding right? I mean, I am just
being such a brat wanting to eat 3 meals a day and have good
credit. I mean sure every kid I know here has no money and
is being screwed over in their first couple years of being
an adult. All of their future financial lives are complete
shitted on by their fathers. I'm just being a selfish brat
in a constant pity party. And so with that, I'll leave you
alone, and quit hindering you with my incesent whining and
bitching. I'll go be an adult and talk to you as much as you
do your parents.

Mistin

Wow, that WAS really mean. But you know what, maybe that's
what he needs, they always say that about mom and stuff. But
I think it's him and Deb that need this slap in the face.
All he does is look out for himself and he's never happy
being alone. I want to be better than that. I want to be
able to be happy without anyone in my life except friends. I
do'nt want to put a person of the opposite sex in front of
things that should mean more.

I'm sick of being me pretty much. I'm just like my parents,
but I can change that. I mean teh bad parts at least, ya
know? Dad always uses the Bible for his benefit, and I hate
that. God didn't have the Bible written so that my dad could
get more sex or have his ideal lifestyle.

I can't lose my car. That car is like my home. JJ (my car)
goes with me everywhere, and I live out of that thing,
that's why I wanted something bigger, like a van or an SUV
or truck or something. But, I love what I got, and I live
with what I have.

I'm sick of my family fighting through me. It is honestly
none of my business. I don't care who does what, someone
needs to help me. And they just don't get it. They don't
stop talking about eachother. I can't get them to understand
that I am not their play thing or their messenger. I always
thought I was the good divorcie kid that didn't get the
effects that kids usually did. That I made it out normal,
but hell no I didn't. That's all it is, is them fighting
over us so that one can feel more loved than the other, or
make you hate the other, but then once they have you, they
don't pay attention to you or support you. I mean my mom
tries, but fuck, she doesn't have the resources. What the hell.

I just need a little bit of help, and last time I wanted
help dad was like waiting for me to ask him, but I'm sorry
when I do ask, he says no, so i've just stopped asking, ya know?

Now katherine says that I should try and have a
relationship, but try not to rely on them. The thing is,
I've never relied on them really, just wanted help, and when
they put these things on me, it's like they're saying here
now rely on us, but we won't help you. Honestly, if I had
known I was going to have to pay for this car, I would have
gotten an el cheepo $1000 car that I could afford.

And now the credit card bill. Dad said he would pay it off
since it was stuff he was going to pay me back for. (like
africa luggage). And I have so much other debt, like the $10
I now owe baley, and $10 to rachel, and $60 to camp, from
like forever ago. I owe Jess money too, I know it. And
Katherine. Plus there's things I want to do the week I'm
home for the summer before I go to camp.

I have to go, I need to figure out who I'm going to get this
car paid for so I can keep it.


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