Arienette

We are nowhere and it is now.
2005-04-21 05:28:42 (UTC)

Waterloo Sunset

We discussed songs to commit suicide to, but I never
thought he meant it. Waterloo Sunset was always a top 5, I
feel sick listening to it now, but I have to. It's a
mindset I must fit in to.

He's okay. It's weird in there. I don't mind hospitals,
I'm just sick of this same damn routine. I feel pretty
angry about it now, you know. I love him, and I hope he
feels okay, I hope he 'gets better'.. but all the same, I
can't believe he would just leave like that. I'm so sick
of caring about people so much more than they care about
me. I know this is selfish, saying he should have stayed
just for me, but then there are his family, his friends,
David. Maybe it -is- selfish, to make someone suffer like
that, but at least it would have been one person
suffering, instead of the whole community dealing with
their loss. Thank god he's alive.

I told Damien and he was.. well, I don't know. He didn't
really know Jem. He wasn't insensitive or anything, I
just.. don't know. I've decided not to answer the phone
anymore, I don't want any more bad news. Damien has a
special ring. I'm not leaving the house except to visit
Jem, because.. there's no logical explanation. I'm just
SICK of this fucking.. world.. maybe. I'm very confused. I
don't want to talk to anyone who knew him, or knows him,
or thought they did, because obviously they didn't. And
neither did I.

I've never considered this, but Jem was almost a
replacement Tom. He was my best friend after that, and the
only person I really trusted with my memories. If he had
gone, who's to say they would even exist? I can't even
imagine how this year would have been without Jem to cry
on, or hug, or.. whatever. I'm confused.




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