NotSoSadSadie

The Laughter Inside My Mind
2005-04-20 22:20:57 (UTC)

Therapy is GOOOOODDDD thing

I slept not so well last night,i FORCED myself to stay
laying in my bed(i have to get rid of the panic feelings
that i get from being in there)i havrnt slept in my bed for
4 months now(it feels tainted)so i decided if im going to
get over it i have to try...and thats just what i
did..didn't sleep for shit but at least i stayed in
there,maybe tonight will be better(with the help of sleep
aides)..
My friend picked me up for my shrink appt today,vehicle
still isnt running at its best,so i didnt want to chace it
breaking down somewhere(seeing how i have expired tags)then
we went a dropped child support papers off at the
courthouse after my appt,which went surprisenly well..the
docs name is jarrod(he has the most beautiful blue eyes)he
got me to talk about my depression and anxiety,which helped
me bring the tears out..they needed to come,he said i ha
ve social phobia(which i suspected)he said with meds(the
right ones)and therapy i should be able to over come some
of my fears...i told him i hope so because i dont want to
live like this forever,i hvae children to think about
besides myself....god help my soul....so i am seeing him
every two weeks(thank goodness its not once a month)i
really need this in my life right now...
Because if i didnt have the meds and the therapy,i'd end up
losing my mind(for real) and most likely kill
myself...sounds childish to some,but unless you have a
mental illness,then you'll have NO clue as to what my mind
holds,it's not a fun thing to deal with,especially
alone..and sometimes it is so hard to talk about because
you dont want to let others in thinking your crazy(even
though you do yourself)i shouldnt have to be ashamed,but
alot of the times i am...so theres a ton to work on..i'll
get there,there IS a light at the end of the tunnel...and
getting to that light is going to be a process,i may need a
lil boost at times,but i am willing..i was talking to my
friend about hubby,and she asked me if i still wanted to
work it out with him..and i started to cry and said part of
me did,but that i was too afraid it is too late,she told me
to swallow my pride and try,just if either for closure or
to see if theres a chance,she also said if i don't try then
it'll kill me not knowing,which she is right,so i'm going
to swallow pride and go for it.dont know how yet,slowly i
know that part...any suggestions from the readers..if so
please feel free to email me with suggestions...
ok dinner time,its time to start keeping my head above the
water..

With much Love,
Sadie




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